I have been writing for the Odyssey for a few months now, and I have found that every week I go through the exact same process when beginning a new article. I have decided to distill this process down into a simple list format so writers and non-writers alike can see at least one different perspective on how writing for the Odyssey works. Without further ado, here are 14 steps to writing an Odyssey article!

1. Procrastinate

We all know this is going to happen, so why kid yourself? The first step to beginning to writing process is to avoid it for as long as possible to "come up with ideas." In actuality, you are just wasting your time doing other things. So step 1 of the Odyssey writing process is to not do anything!

2. Turn on your computer

For being a hip and modern news site, the Odyssey requires you to use your technology to produce content, so now that you have successfully finished step 1, go ahead and get your computer up and running so you can begin writing.

3. Get distracted

Not to be confused with Step 1, in which you purposefully avoid writing, Step 3 requires that you open the internet (for sources of course) and habitually open whatever website you use to kill time on. Reddit, Facebook, Twitter, it does not matter. As long as you are not writing, Step 3 is complete!

4. Get back on track

Now that you have been distracted you have to realize you are distracted and close out of whatever Tumblr page you secretly follow so you can get to work. Close down all of your non-essential tabs so you can prepare to be inspired.

5. Get up and get some food

"Brain food"

It would be silly to write an article without proper sustenance! Make sure to create a meal that takes a few minutes to prepare because we all know you cannot write on peasant food. Note that Step 5 also includes going to the bathroom, calling your mom, or checking Facebook one more time. Once you have finished whatever rituals are required to become comfortable, you are ready to write!

6. Stare blankly at your screen

Everyone knows that much like studying, writing zen is best achieved whilst staring blankly into space as you contemplate your meaningless existence in this oppressively massive expanse we call the universe.

7. Experience existential dread

Oh god, we are all going to die and there is nothing we can do about any of it. What does any of this mean, please, someone, anyone, tell me! Why are we here? What is our purpose? Is this all there is? Please, HELP!

8. Open word

Now that you have experienced a brief introduction into Nihilism it is time to open Word to begin writing. Every Odyssey writer knows that Word is the go to platform for content creation because Muse will delete all of your writing just as you submit it. So pop open a reliable software and get going!

9. Become inspired

It is impossible to write an article without being inspired, so make sure to become inspired before you begin to write.

9. Write a title

Now that you have an idea for a topic, you need a title. Titles are the most important part of writing because in the age of instant gratification no one bothers reading more than the title anyways. If you have made it this far into the article, congratulations! You have momentarily skirted the allure of instant-access media to better yourself through enriching content!

10. Write your article

Once you have established your title you need to write your article, give no forethought to grammar, flow, or organization, this is the frontier of modern media! Grab your favorite words and go to town, we want to leave the reader with more questions than answers here.

11. Ignore your Editors!

This step is the most important. Your editors will tell you things like "format correctly" and "use proper English." It is best to ignore them, they probably have no idea what they are talking about. Besides, by forgoing any actual editing you give them something to do! If you followed all of their instructions they would have to go through 30+ articles without anything to fix, and who wants to do that?

12. Submit for Editing

This step is important to combine with step 11, once your article is done you need to submit right away!

13. Be upset about publishing dates

Even though the editors told you to get your article in on time, you followed Step 1 like you should and wait until the last minute. So now the editors tell you "you are getting published late because you did not submit on time." But you should disregard that and be upset that your article is not published immediately after it was submitted.

14. Repeat!

The last step is to go back to Step 1 and wait until the very last minute to start the whole process over again!