A piece of advice that I feel people hear all the time is that when you’re upset with somebody you should write them a letter and then throw it away. It’s supposed to get your feelings out without hurting anyone or making irrational decisions. I always hated this concept. I think it’s the “…and throw it away” aspect that I dislike, as it feels as though the goal is to get rid of your feelings. I don’t think we should be trying to entirely dispel any feelings, at least not as a long-term solution. I think that this mindset of “throw it away” can lead to feelings of self-blame when one’s problems aren’t fixed.

The other issue here is that I think it’s often used as an alternative to actually talking about the issue, rather than a first step. Putting your feelings on paper can certainly help you understand what’s happening in your own head, but most things can’t be fixed in your head and involve conversation.

So what’s my solution? Journaling. Journaling is the best. First of all, I don’t dispose of my journals. I know some people who like to destroy them when they’re full, but I keep all of mine. I hate rereading recent entries, but I do like looking at the progression of older journals in my grammar/handwriting/general writing abilities. They let me go back times where my 7th grade take-home science exam was ruining my life and see my own problem-solving and stress-management skills develop. It’s also fun to doodle in my journals. I like to give certain pages themes - it makes it feel more personal to me and it helps with writers block.

Putting ideas on paper allows you to get out of your own head and to think critically about your life without adding any outside burdens whereas with songwriting or poetry I often feel pressure to come out of it with a decent product. In contrast, there’s no ulterior motive in journaling.

I especially like to journal when I can’t sleep because, when there’s too many voices in my head, writing forces one of them to be louder than the others. It allows me to pick a train of thought and stick with it. Even if I’m just writing about my day or about someone I miss, it gives my mind a bit of a rest as I don’t have to think about what I’m thinking about.

It also just makes you write more. Journaling isn’t just for when your life is falling apart and, at some points, I find myself journaling every day just for the sake of writing things down. Writing every day definitely isn’t an attainable goal in my life, but I try to do it at least a few times a week. Journaling feels as though I’m writing for myself whereas writing a letter feels too much as though it’s for somebody else.

In the end I sometimes come out feeling as though I have a better understanding of how I feel, though sometimes not and that’s okay. As long as you’re able to operate under the idea that it’s a step rather than the entire process it’s much easier to accept that your problems won’t be solved by this alone.