Okay, so if you are like me, you get terrified of watching SVU late at night (which doesn’t change the fact that I do it.) But for me, however, this new clown phenomenon awakened a new fear in me. I never realized I didn’t like clowns, until the thought of one staring at me (potentially carrying a weapon) entered my mind. I have received various pieces of advice regarding this issue, and thought I would share what NOT to do.

1. “There will probably be something around that you can just throw at them.”

What should I throw at them on campus? A leaf? I don’t think that would be very threatening.

2. “They are expecting you to run away, so just run at them to scare them.”

Yeah, let me just run at a clown real quick.

3. “They probably can’t see that well with those masks on, so don’t worry about it.”

…okay.

4. “This will probably end after Halloween.”

And Halloween is a month away. NEXT.

5. “There was only one person fatally attacked anyway.”

Yes, and it was in Pennsylvania. One hour from me. GREAT.

6. “There’s nothing illegal about putting on a clown suit and walking around.”

Um. Okay. It’s still creepy and weird and unnecessary. Could they dress up as something else?

7. “Don’t worry about locking doors or windows. If they want to get in, they’ll find a way in anyway.”

WOW I FEEL SO SAFE THANK YOU.

8. “You’ll be fine, just don’t stress.”

Has that ever worked for me before? I am already sometimes freaked out walking home alone at night for various reasons, so throwing some clowns into the mix is not going to help my case.