"The world is bigger than all the parts. That's the important thing, and one thing can throw everything off kilter. And you must never let yourself off. You'll let yourself off by mistake. So you shouldn't do it consciously. You have to be above it all and just be very disciplined with it. Just be very disciplined with it." ~ Ricky Gervais

When I was 16, I did not understand how one action, one mistake could affect a lot of people. I had the mindset, like many teens, that the world was small and what actions I made would affect me and only me. The night of November 25th, 2014 was a wake-up call. I made a decision that not only hurt me but hurt the people that I loved most and their loved ones.

It was a late Tuesday evening when me, my two best friends, my boyfriend at that time, and a couple of his friends were all hanging out. We were from a small, rural town where back roads were home. We grew up in the country with corn fields on both sides of the roads. We were familiar and comfortable with the curvy, narrow, hilly roads. I made the mistake of becoming too comfortable with them.

My sisters, 1 and 2 years old at the time, had just laid down to sleep. Everyone left my house because we didn't want to wake them. At this time, we escaped to our second home. We had the roads by my house memorized. We were being teenagers and escaping our realities by running to those roads. As the night came to an end and we decided to head home. I was driving my car with my boy friend in the passenger seat, his best friend behind me, and mine behind him. I asked my best friend, "Back roads or regular." She immediately answered, "back roads." We finally reached the beginning of a long, straight, and hilly road that we had all "hill hopped" on. (hill hopping: the act of going fast up a hill in order to go air born on the other side.) As we turned onto this road I turned around and asked my best friend if she would like to, implying the fact that we would hill hop. She eagerly said yes.

This exact moment, the moment when I accelerated down that road. The moment when I slowed down but not enough as we flew up and over the hill. The moment when the car landed with a loud thud almost perpendicular with the road. The moment when I over-corrected and the car veered into a ditch on the right side of the road. The moment when I once again over-corrected to get us out of the ditch because a light pole was rapidly approaching us. The moment when my over-correcting and a farmer's easement pushed us out of the ditch and onto the road. The moment when I had full faith that I had regained control of the car. The moment when my tires on the right side of my car blew, forcing us to the left and the front of my car ramming straight into the ditch on the right side. The moment when the rear end of the car flipped up, switching sides with the front. The moment when I spoke to myself to breathe as I clenched my eyes shut and my hands at ten and two on the steering wheel. The moment when I felt the harsh metal of the roof of my car crunch on the top of my head. The moment when we finally came to a complete stop, upside down, after four rolls. The moment when I crawled out my side window onto the cold, damp grass. The moment when I realized that my best friend was no where to be found. The moment when I found her in the grass by the road face down with her leg broken. These were the moments that will forever be replayed in my brain.

These moments have changed my views on how many people an action and mistake can affect. That night, I sat in the waiting room with concerned looks and tears from moms, dads, sisters, brothers, grandmas, and grandpas. I never fully understood how big the world truly was. I was an immature and naive teenager that had the mindset that nothing else existed outside of the daily routine and people that I saw every day. My one mistake hurt not only the ones that I love but the ones that love and care about them. I hope that my readers will take my actions into consideration and learn from them. The world is far bigger than it may seem and I hope that you never have to learn that lesson the hard way like I did.

To the victims of my decision:

I am sorry. I am sorry for how I didn't take care of your sons and daughter while I was behind the wheel. I am sorry for hurting you and your families. I know that no amount of apologies could ever makeup for what I have done but I hope that one day you can find it in your hearts to forgive me.