Sometimes we waste our words and we waste our moments. And we don’t take the time to say the things that are in our hearts when we have the chance.”
- Clay Evans, One Tree Hill
I remember a lot about the little things:
the way songs play over and over again at the random certain moments in life,
the way people's eyes look when they are in love,
the way words roll off tongues and the emotion behind them,
or how society doesn't speak at all.
People say actions are louder than words,
Or the absence of.
Here is me still trying to tell you how much you impacted my life in such a short time.
I remember the overwhelming heartache of cars…how they drive away,
and the harsh words that came before trying to come to and understanding of how and why we got to this.
I remember the words that I didn't say, the words that could have been enough to save you and us.
The words that were wasted out of fear.
But I shouldn't have to remind you of what you already know,
or that is the thought process I used to tell myself as to why the words never came out.
Somehow we had to figure that you were the cause of your own emotion. Your expressions said it out loud and clear for everyone east of the Mississippi to hear.
and you weren't alone.
There are days where I hope you find relief of how I kept it to myself.
I know the tension it brings, and the overwhelming circle of anger, guilt, and sorrow.
I told you that you weren't alone.
But I did adore you.
I was ready and willing to give you the world.
I was ready to let you past my figurative barricaded walls that withheld emotion.
I was ready to give you the world that was already yours.
Instead the devil came out to play,
fooling our minds and tricking our hearts.
The absence of color as I looked in your eyes was enough to let the silence talk for us.
"We should just leave it at goodnight and talk tomorrow."
Something always had a way of getting between everything we were and everything we wanted to be.
I should have told you I would’ve done it all over again.
You had my heart
You just didn’t claim possession of it.
I want you to know how deep the love and affection I have in my heart for you.
How proud I was of how far you were coming.
How grateful I was to see it happen.
For all the time we got to spend together.
For not pushing me away when you wanted nothing more than to be alone.
Those were the words that I wish would have been enough.
Now, the words I had to say, I will eternally regret never getting to say.
They vanished with you and the piece of my soul that you took with you.
All I have left now is to keep words close to my heart,
where forever you will be.
