I have always loved too much. I am expressive and excited about everything. I grow passions that are soon dropped off the face of the earth. I loved reading and writing and painting and drawing and photography and science and sports and astrology and basically anything my mind could think of as a cool hobby. The problem is every time I got the hang of something or really fell in love with it, I grew tired. I was sick of reading and writing. I had drawn all the monsters and creatures my mind could come up with. I took pictures that are slightly better than mediocre and I had perfected the amount of baking soda to add to the science fair volcano.
About 3 years ago, sometime in 2016, I began writing for Odyssey. I submitted five articles before my branch was basically closed down. To be quite honest I was relieved. I was bored. The thrill of writing things people would eventually see was gone. I didn't care to write for others. The articles weren't great but I pride myself in being confident enough to post them without regards to how anyone else was going to react to them. My whole family had read them and of course they supported me. I was just over it.
My Comp II professor makes us write for five minutes at the beginning of each class. She says it will help us focus and get whatever we are worrying about out so we can focus for the next hour and fifteen minutes. I can't help but not do it. The first few classes I did it and it just made me think even more about the things I was worrying about or the ideas i had in my brain. I love the idea but writing just gets my brain going. That's why I love to write. Writing isn't just a hobby I picked up as a kid.
I do this thing that I call word vomit. I hate how disgusting it sounds but it makes plenty of sense in context. Whenever I am feeling absolutely gross or my brain is way too scattered I sit down and get it all out with my computer or on some paper. I just become this writing machine. I would insert one here but that might be too much even for the psych majors. I normally save it because being as dramatic as I am I tend to make it poetic. It's not very good but it also isn't meant to be anything other than my release of emotions and words. Hence, word vomit.
I found out, I think, that since I stopped writing and even reading, I had been doing a lot more of this word vomiting. The thing is my articles might not have been amazing but they were pieces of evidence that I was expressing myself in a healthy way. I began to write more and more after this realization. My writing became less vomit and more prose and poetry. I didn't have to straighten out my brain because I was keeping it pretty clean.
I am pretty angry with myself. I don't know why I would ever stop doing anything that makes me happy. I love writing. I don't care if nobody wants to read it. I don't care if it's not good. Writing is something I do in order to fix the mess in my brain. It is something I do to keep my brain clean. I am happy to say, though, that articles are something I am no longer bored of. Maybe eventually I will get bored or tired of it but I think in general I am pretty excited to share with the world. Maybe the world will share back.
