This week, I want to talk about date night. Whether it’s once a month, every other week, every week, or just whenever you and your significant other both have no other prior commitments, it’s that special time that you and your SO devote to just each other, and the continued growth and strengthening of your relationship. It’s also something that is easy to let go of in the midst of life, sometimes quite storm-like, with things like assignments, work, sleeping, eating, coffee drinking, late night studying, more working, etc. to rain down on you. You might say, “Well, it’s just this once” or “I need the extra money from taking this shift” or “I have to finish this assignment” and your SO might be understanding about it. But it’s a slippery slope to go down. My boyfriend and I went six months without having a date night. At first, it was OK. We were both busy with our own things. But over time it created issues.
OK, so a little information before the story. We moved in together last August, after a weird set of circumstances led to me being forced to move out of my old residence. It was just after our one year anniversary. He was working full-time and going to school to become a certified phlebotomist. I was working part time, and taking classes full time. We both are very driven people who focus extremely hard on our goals until they are accomplished. We began to do homework, dishes, eating, laundry, napping, cleaning, studying, and everything else that got pushed to the back burner on Friday evenings, instead of having date night. At first, it was alright. We were both working toward something, and we both supported each other’s goals.
As time went by, though, it got tougher. It felt like we were always saying, “Bye, see you later” to each other, about to run off to the store, class, work, etc. Instead of seeing each other, we would see each other leaving the house. Although we talked, we didn’t listen to each other as much, although we were usually trying to multitask at the time. This became frustrating for both of us.
The lack of communication led to little disagreements and misunderstandings. At times, I felt like my presence wasn’t wanted, or that I wasn’t ever listened to. I’m sure he felt the same way. We also were putting everything before our relationship. Yes, school work is important. Yes, clean laundry is important. Yes, life has many chores that must be completed. However, the relationship is also important. It's as simple as taking an hour or two so that both of you feel that your relationship is important to one another.
By December, Jack had gotten his certification in phlebotomy and was just waiting on paperwork to be processed in order to start working at St. Francis. I had asked him not to go back to his former job (operating an industrial saw all day) while he waited to be officially hired on at the hospital. He didn’t, and when it took several weeks longer to get him hired on, I felt very guilty and selfish for asking that of him, just because I didn't want to worry about something happening to him. I had finished up my semester and gotten the A’s and B that I had worked so hard for. I had made the dean’s honor roll and survived one of my most challenging classes yet (Professor Townsend’s beginning Spanish I). We were both overjoyed about our own accomplishments, as well as each other's. I may have let out a high pitched squeal and made him get up and do a happy-jumpy dance with me when he got his certificate (he needed 120 clinical hours to pass the course, his certificate says 168 clinical hours completed. He worked hard, and I am a dork who believes that a happy-jumpy dance is required when something great happens.)
At that point, we didn’t really have the spare money to go out for date nights with Christmas being so close. We spent more time together, so you would think that would have helped, right? Kind of. We talked more and we spent more time together, around kids, family, and keeping up with life's chores. But that wasn’t a sustainable substitute for the bonding time that date night provides. Relationships are like houses. You need a solid foundation, you need to fix something if it breaks, and you can’t neglect the utilities. If you don’t pay the utilities, then they get shut off. Which leaves you in the dark, disconnected, in an uncomfortable atmosphere, and unable to clean/fix something. Date night is the utilities. You need to put in the time to reconnect with your SO on an individual level, be able to communicate with each other, feel “at home” with them, and be able to clean up messes/fix problems.
Date night is now every other week, without fail. We both now recognize the importance of taking time out from our lives to maintain our connection to one another, talk about things, have fun, and to just relax & unwind from the various things in our lives, as a couple. We know that we need to take care of our “house” because we have worked so hard to build it up in the condition it’s in, and now we work on maintaining what we have built, and building onto it. The idea of a date night might not seem like much to some people, but it’s usually just what I need after a long week.
We have lived together for almost a year now. We still have miscommunication and mishaps (sorry for forgetting your car keys in my purse last week), but we talk through them. We are committed to each other, and our futures, both individually and as a couple. Date night might seem like a small thing, but it can end up having a huge impact when you or your partner don't make each other feel like the relationship is important. Even if you can't go out, grab a movie (Redbox dates are one of my favorites), some popcorn (and if you are like me, Skittles or Butterfinger minis are also a necessity), and stay in. One of my favorite memories is just laying on the couch together watching "Interview with the Vampire."
On the 31st, we will celebrate our second anniversary (which awesomely also happens to be Harry Potter’s and J.K. Rowling’s birthday). I couldn’t be happier to say that. We have had some ups and downs, but we have not only walked away from them together, but we have walked away stronger as partners. We might be considered a bit of an odd pairing, but I wouldn't want it any other way. Besides, life is too short to be anything but extraordinary, unique, and fun.
And at the end of the day, I’m glad to have you by my side, in my heart, and holding my hand.
