I was recently told that it would be much better to make a mistake than regret not doing something. While I agree, it's really hard and slightly terrifying to do that. What is it that makes fear so debilitating? I look out at my plans for the future and I'm excited. But I'm also scared. So scared that sometimes I just want to throw up my hands and say "Nope! I'm just going to live in my parents' basement for the rest of my life, by myself, surrounded by cats and ice cream." Some days this sounds like the safest plan to me.
So many choices led me to where I am now. The classes I took in middle school, where I decided to go to college, joining a sorority, declaring my major. These were all huge decisions that have changed the course of my life. They seemed so small at the time but they were life defining. That's scary. To look back and see those moments that were so insignificant at the time, have come to mean so much to me.
Recommended for you
Middle school was terrible. Just completely awful. But my classes led me to my friends. Those friends who supported me, understood me, taught me and led me all through those terrible, awful years right into high school. The friends who still support me, understand me, teach me and even led me to choosing the school I'm at now. Skipping that one choir class to watch a college presentation.
I had been set on a specific college for a year and a half until I sat through that presentation. That presentation that suggested a school obsessed with nature. My idea of nature was reading on the screened-in porch. That scared me, that I was so drawn to a place I had nothing in common with. I still don't understand it but somehow I ended up here, at this nature-loving school, still not a nature person but here and thriving.
Joining a sorority, probably one of my crazier decisions. I laughed at the idea of joining a sorority. I'm not blonde or perky or the richest person I know. At the time I almost didn't go. Not because I thought it was a joke, but because I was scared. I was scared I wouldn't be accepted. To my surprise I was. I learned from my sisters how to be a leader and how to be a little less afraid — or at least how to hide it.
Coming to college, I was leaning towards a social work major. My first social work class terrified me with a lot of classes focusing on burnout. So I floundered for a year or two, not sure what I was going to be doing with my life. My sisters in the program took the time to help me figure out what it was I really wanted. They encouraged me and told me that if I gave myself that chance I would do great. So I clicked that button and declared my major as social work.
Life is a series of choices, each one leading down a different path that could possibly define the rest of your life. If this isn't overwhelming, I don't know what is. So yes, I'm terrified of the choices I make every day. And as much as I want to lock myself away with ice cream and cats, I'll keep making choices. No matter how afraid I am.
