In the darkness

I wonder if I still exist

Because my fears come to life

They blind me

They suffocate me

They spread through every fiber

They bury deep into my very soul

And I wonder if I still exist

The loneliness that clenches my heart

Never leaves

Because When the light shines again

So must the darkness eventually

I hear my own thoughts

Raining down on me

Saying

Be stronger

Be better

Don't cry

Don't let the fear show

Even as my fears drown me

And I wonder if I still exist

And when I wake

I put on a perfect face

I smile

I laugh

And on the inside

I weep

I hide

I fall

I fade

Night by night

And I wonder if I still exist

Do they see?

Do they listen?

Do they know?

I wonder

If the darkness only ever knows

My fears

How weak I am becoming

How much I suffer

Then I wonder

If I still exist

And will they see

One day

When I crack

Will they finally know

How the darkness overpowered me

Will they finally wonder

How hard I tried to still exist