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IN THE DARKNESS

I wonder if I still exist.

Natasha VanDerLinden

Mar 27, 2017

Carroll University

weknowyourdreams.com

In the darkness

I wonder if I still exist

Because my fears come to life

They blind me

They suffocate me

They spread through every fiber

They bury deep into my very soul

And I wonder if I still exist

The loneliness that clenches my heart

Never leaves

Because When the light shines again

So must the darkness eventually

I hear my own thoughts

Raining down on me

Saying

Be stronger

Be better

Don't cry

Don't let the fear show

Even as my fears drown me

And I wonder if I still exist

And when I wake

I put on a perfect face

I smile

I laugh

And on the inside

I weep

I hide

I fall

I fade

Night by night

And I wonder if I still exist

Do they see?

Do they listen?

Do they know?

I wonder

If the darkness only ever knows

My fears

How weak I am becoming

How much I suffer

Then I wonder

If I still exist

And will they see

One day

When I crack

Will they finally know

How the darkness overpowered me

Will they finally wonder

How hard I tried to still exist

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This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.

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IN THE DARKNESS

I wonder if I still exist.

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There are plenty of obstacles that come when taking care of kids, but it's a very rewarding experience.

1. You get excited when the parents purchase season passes to the pool.

2. You've become friends with the stay-at-home moms in town.

3. You get a chance to eat "kid foods" again.

4. You've traded in your cute purse for a large tote bag.

5. You have at least one car seat in your backseat.

6. Their nap time is your happy time.

7. Lunch time can be a disaster.

8. You have to play the same board games repeatedly.

9. You catch yourself using the same lines your parents once told you.

10. Your "mom-mode" kicks in at times.

11. Your heart melts a little when they do something cute.

You'll never find any souvenirs with your name on it

1. You know you are up next when the teacher pauses while taking attendance

2. When “I’m going to do my very best to make sure I know all your names” is said, it may or may be an empty promise

3. “Wow! That sounds so cool! Where is your family from?”

4. You dread when people ask you to repeat your name over and over because it “sounds so cool when you say it”

5. There’s a 50/50 chance that your name will come back either correct or incorrect at Starbucks

6. People try to find shorter, easier nicknames for you instead of calling you by your actual name

7. When someone famous or fictional character shares your name, you get so happy

8. “What’s your name?” “It’s [name]” “I’m sorry, what was it again?”

9. You’ve pretty much seen every misspelling and heard every mispronunciation of your name throughout your life

10. When you find another person with an “ethnic” sounding name, you both get excited

11. Despite the struggles, your name is pretty unique… just like you

Can I be excused for the rest of my life?

Don't Be That Person

1. “Oh, so you/your family are immigrants!”

2. “Is Puerto Rico near Mexico?”

3. “Do you speak Puerto Rican?”

4. “You look too light/dark to be Puerto Rican.”

5. “Do I need my passport to go to Puerto Rico?”

6. “Geez, you are obsessed with your flag. We get it, you’re Puerto Rican.”

7. “Why are you so loud?”

8. “So does your family know English?”

9. “Oh my god, Puerto Ricans are so spicy.”

10. “So did you eat a lot of tacos?”

11. “Are you Mexican?”

Love hard, every day, and never be ashamed.

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