Hey little me,

I wrote this letter to give you some love that you need, and to eventually empower you. I know you doubt yourself, your appearance, and your qualities. I know you are scared of asking questions, because questioning requires bravery. But honey, you are beautiful, intelligent, and brave. I hope this letter reminds you that such constructive qualities are within you.

First of all, always believe in your own feelings. I know you are crying over what happened to you and how people around you are reacting to your experiences. But I want to make this clear: you didn’t do anything wrong. It is not okay for them to use gender, race, and socioeconomic status as an excuse for the violence they direct at you. Such labels are assigned to you for a clear purpose: power and control. You, however, are not your labels. You do not deserve such treatment. Most people will try to invalidate your experiences and your emotions after what happened to you. They will tell you that you are “too emotional,” that you are “overreacting.” But they have not gone through the same things that you have.

Emotions are, in fact, extremely useful tools for your survival. You are the only person who can feel your emotions because emotions exist to tell you whether the situations that you are in will eventually be positive, or negative, for you. You are supposed to feel negative emotions when you are in dangerous situations. If you feel distaste for some situations, these are your instincts telling you that something is wrong. You must always give full attention to the flow of your emotions. Do not wait until you actually become mentally unhealthy; mental illness is quite painful. Listen to yourself before anybody listens to you. Find out why you feel certain emotions, especially if they are negative. Be self-reflective, and have faith in your own ideas. Becoming a survivor requires a lot of strength and integrity. If you do not trust your own self, people with bad intentions will try to use you, knowing full well that they are using you without your knowledge.

I also know that you always look at yourself in the mirror and evaluate your appearance. You may be feeling bitter over your skin, which is “not light enough,” your eyes, which are not “big enough”, and your body type, which is “not skinny enough.” You look at pictures of light-skinned women of color on TVs and magazines, and you feel bitter, because you feel so self-conscious, and you feel like you need to become white-er. It is very difficult to not be harsh on yourself. Quite frankly, I feel like I am constantly battling the urge to compare myself to others.

But honey, creating a hierarchy of human values is dehumanizing in itself, you are born valuable and beautiful.

I know you are not going to believe this, but listen, just so you know, you are born beautiful. You do not have to believe in your beauty because you are beautiful, and that is just the truth. Anybody who challenges this notion is wearing a pair of sunglasses that make the beautiful world ugly. In fact, most of us are wearing these sunglasses; some wear thicker ones than others. The media creates these sunglasses for us, using numerous histories of discrimination—colonialism and patriarchy, for example—as ingredients.Take off those sunglasses that the media has created for you, and, with your newly pure eyes, embrace your beauty and the world’s beauty too. Find those who can share this truth with you.

I know, it may seem as if our world is not beautiful, considering how many violent systems are perpetuated within it. People will always try to use your labels, to hurt you, to tell you “that’s how it is.” They will make you feel powerless, useless, and depressed. Oh, but honey, you don’t have to feel scared of those who constantly feed you with the outcome of our unfair systems, like those men who always try to shut you up and make you “respect” them; they are no more (or less) human than you.

Let me repeat: creating a hierarchy of human values is dehumanizing in itself. You are born valuable. Violent systems in our society not only dehumanize the oppressed but also over-humanize those who systemically hold greater power than the oppressed. In other words, in such a violent system, nobody is truly human. We only desperately desire to be human. Some of us choose to deny our vulnerability and continue to over-humanize ourselves. In fact, most of us do this. But these people are just fooled by those dehumanizing lies of violence; they decide to remain in the box that has hurt them so deeply, form groups that spread more hate, just like those who have once hurt them did. Yet, there are ways to become human again. Yes: no matter how much effort you exert to change this world for the better, it might seem as if you are not making any change at all.

But honey, do not despair.

In the end, love is what was needed all along, for love is what humanizes us. Those who form hateful groups will try to convince you that the our world will only continue to perpetuate violent systems of discrimination and hate. This will be an endless battle, and we, as particles of this system, will have to continue to fight against its structure which has bred such hatred within us. But this also means we can create an equal amount of love, an immeasurable amount of love. I know this may sound like a lie, because we are all tricked by that system of hatred. But love is as invasive as hatred. Love should be the only STD you should want, because then, we could all make love without being so protective. By deconstructing our systems of oppression, we will only create greater avenues for love, endless roads love that we can walk on, so long as we remain hopeful.

To create more love, more hope, in our communities, always remember to actively question the status quo caused by our unfair systems. People around you with any level of authority—be it your teachers, your classmates, your parents, your (quite frankly boring, ignorant, and entitled) boyfriend—will tell you that you are “stupid” and “naive.” Do you know why they tell you such toxic things? It is because they are scared that they would not be able to survive if the system that they hold onto would be destroyed. In the end, this is not only about those who mock your questions. We, as humans, are all insecure beings, although with varying levels. Many of us are scared of questions and the truth. We all live inside a box. We think we would die once we leave the box. Both you and I are scared; remember, you and I are also part of this mob of earthlings.

Yet, there always is hope somewhere. There are always people that will encourage you to ask more questions. If you cannot find them in your own place, travel to find them. They will tell you that it is not wrong to question and analyze; in fact, they will tell you the oppostie. They seek to plant seeds of more love for themselves and the world, no matter how difficult or painful it is. Intelligence should exist to liberate all of us from the cycle of oppression, and humanize us with love. Be analytical, but for the purpose of creating more love in your community. Become the smart catalyst for more love, even though it may seem as if everyone's only looking for more despair.

But be careful, being cynical is a different story. Be analytical, but please remain hopeful. Please do not leave yourself in the black hole of vulnerability that they are trying to spread into your heart. Surround yourself with individuals with constructive and hopeful mindsets. Keep those who value your questions and intellectual capability, and hold onto them. Learn from them and absorb their intelligence. Propagate intelligence; it is an act of sharing and love. Create an intellectual and loving community from your heart and spread it to the world, like they did to you.

Darling, please keep this letter and read it whenever you feel vulnerable again. Remember, you are beautiful when you are the most of yourself. There always will be challenges in life. You will find yourself in a black hole of despair once in a while. But, honey, it’s all okay. It is completely okay to feel insecure; just remember to listen to your own voice and respect it. Always remember to believe in hope and love. Just like acid, hatred has attacked our vulnerable bare skin. Now it is time for hope and love to permeate into our bare wounds and heal us. You’ll continue to question, unlearn, and adventure for a better world for all of us. Never lose hope in yourself and the world. Hold onto optimism, intelligence, and love.

With all the love I could share with you,

Gayon

This letter started as a letter to empower my younger self and my current self. I decided to share this letter with all of you, especially young women of color, in the hope that this letter would become useful to many of you.