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Politics and Activism

Why All Women Should Vote For Trump

A parody.

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Why All Women Should Vote For Trump

This presidential election will be one for the record books. Never before have we had such a controversial, outrageous and downright crazy group of candidates. As each party's candidate is close to being locked in, it's time for us to do our homework. Having the right to vote is such an amazing thing, so we'd better make sure we choose the right candidate. Trump will be representing the Republican Party, and his supporters are as loyal as golden retrievers. Women, listen up! It's our duty to vote for such a respectable man. This list of his beliefs prove just how qualified he is to represent a country made up of 50.8 percent women.

1. Women would be nothing without sex appeal.

In one of Trumps books,How To Get Rich,” he explains how the women on "The Apprentice" were largely successful due to their sex appeal. He quotes, “It’s certainly not groundbreaking news that the early victories by the women on ‘The Apprentice’ were, to a very large extent, dependent on their sex appeal.” (How To Get Rich) Who cares about hard work! As long as you're pretty, you'll have a world of opportunities just waiting for you.

2. Our looks make or break our careers.

When being interviewed at the Miss America Pageant, Trump explained to the journalist, “I mean, we could say politically correct that look doesn’t matter, but the look obviously matters. Like you wouldn't have your job if you weren't beautiful." Once again, who needs to work hard when you're beautiful?! Don't all women agree with this?

3. Breastfeeding is disgusting.

An attorney of Trump's had asked for a break to pump breastmilk for her baby, so he called her "disgusting.” (CNN) Who needs to feed their babies anyway! It's not like its natural or anything.

4. No marriage is worth it without a prenup.

In Trump's book, The Art of the Comeback, he explains that there are three type of women when getting married. "One is the good woman who very much loves her future husband, solely for himself, but refuses to sign the agreement on principle. I fully understand this, but the man should take a pass anyway and find someone else." Why would we marry for love anyway? Just find a "young and beautiful piece of ass" that will sign the prenup. (Esquire) As long as he has a beautiful woman by his side, Trump doesn't care what the media thinks.

5. His women are more beautiful than the other candidates.

Trump made clear, “I think the only difference between me and the other candidates is that I’m more honest and my women are more beautiful.” (New York Times) Objectifying women based on their looks is what Trump does best. Having beautiful women by his side makes him that much more qualified to run this country! Oh, and the fact that he's "honest.”

6. It makes for a pretty picture when a woman drops to her knees.

Yes, he actually said this to an "apprentice" on his show. Don't we all want to hear that from our bosses? There's just something about being treated as a sexual object rather than being appreciated for our work that makes women feel warm and fuzzy inside. Professionalism at its finest.

7. We need to be treated like shit.

Trump told his pal Philip Johnson, "You have to treat 'em like shit." (The Daily Beast) I'm sure all women agree with this bold statement of his. Put us in our place, Trump!

After reading all of these statements, we as women would be foolish not to vote for such a respectable man. As sex objects that would never have actual careers without our beauty, it's clear that Trump understands what we female voters are looking for in a candidate. Here's to a candidate that thinks we should be treated like shit!

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