Going to the bathroom can be one of the best feelings in the world. This can be applicable whether you were enduring a long, bumpy car ride after consuming a Mega Buddy from the gas station, or you just simply needed to get away from anyone and everything. The fact of the matter is, the bathroom, contrary to it's sometimes dirty connotation, can be one of the most highly anticipated places to go during a day. Now over my years I've come to one, solid conclusion. Sometimes, the funniest most awkward stories I have to tell come from being on the toilet. Before you get immediately turned off from this initial thought, I encourage you to keep an open mind when reading further being that these "toilet thoughts" are almost certain to have pertained to you at least once in your life before.
1. The historically famous pee-off.
We've all been here before. You're in the stall far left and the stranger on your far right. It's dead silent, each of you waiting to see who's going to break the seal first. The anticipation building, because God forbid your stream begins first. Who's it going to be? Definitely not you. What was supposed to be a two minute potty break turned into a full on fifteen minute stare off, if you will.
2. The gassy encounter.
This is one of my all time favorites. You're sitting on the toilet, doing your thing, and in running, huffing and puffing, comes someone who clearly has held it all in just a little too long. Let's just say what happens next shouldn't and won't be put into words, leaving it up to your imagination creates a far better effect. Needless to say, you are left thinking, "what in God's green earth did that person eat today at lunch?" and doing everything to suppress your laughter.
3. YOUR gassy accident.
I don't care how girly and classy you may be, we've ALL had to try and go to the bathroom so slow, attempting to do whatever it takes to make sure we don't let something rip to save us the embarrassment of public farting. This one isn't easy when you taco night the evening before, but you gotta do what you gotta do. This is when the old flush and toot comes in really handy; thank the heavens for automatic toilets.
4. No more toilet paper.
This will scare the wits out of even the bravest woman. It's what everyone dreads. Mid stream and you realize that you, in fact, are out of toilet paper. You have three options the way I see it. One, the all natural air dry. Two, stick your hand under the stall to the stranger next to you and ask for some help. Or three, flush then run, bottomless, as fast as you can to the next closest stall and hope to hell no one sees you. I'm not proud to admit it, but I've more than definitely done all three options.
5. Toilet talk.
Whether you're the one being talked to or you are ease dropping on someone else's conversation, this can be highly engaging yet extremely awkward. Do you reply? Do you say something to break the silence? Who knows, all you do know is talking doesn't really seem appropriate in this kind of situation.
Needless to say, the bathroom is a room full of many possibilities. Whether you encounter a situation like that of the food poisoning scene from "Bridesmaids" or partake in a silent but deadly, butt to butt, pee off, the toilet seems to be unpredictable but hilarious at best.
