Local waitress, Stacy Gibbs, was hospitalized earlier this week after an unsuccessful first date. Gibbs was using Alright Eros, an online dating app, when she was injured.

“I had been talking to him for a few days, and it seemed to be going really well,” says Gibbs. But when I walked into the restaurant, I fell right over and smashed my face on the floor.”

Gibbs had been knocked unconscious and woke up the next day in Lankenau Hospital. She later found out what happened from her would-be date, James Cooper.

“I just wanted to have an open mind about things,” says Cooper. “I’ve been striking out lately, so I figured I’d just say yes to the next girl that agreed to go on a date with me, no matter how horrible she seemed. But I guess I just set the bar too low.”

As luck would have it, the next girl was thoroughly horrible, but Cooper’s chances are likely long gone anyway. After explaining himself to Gibbs, the couple’s brief connection was severed.

“I just find it insulting,” says Gibbs, “I’m a catch - I deserve someone who can see that. I have a job, I’m getting my masters degree - I’m incredibly good-looking too.” When pressed, Gibbs was unable to explain just what it was she was looking for in a match.

Respect? Attention? Instagram followers?

“I want to die,” says Cooper, who has sworn off online dating and most other forms of social interaction. “This is like high school all over again.”