I am what one might call a "workout noob." Put me in a gym setting and my heart rate will take off, but not for the conventional reasons.

I'll get that burst of adrenaline from pure panic because I have no idea what to do when put in a workout environment.

Once in a while, I'll get a sudden rush of inspiration to "get in shape," usually fueled by Victoria's Secret fashion shows or my sister (who can run six miles at a time, unlike me, who can run, well, not even one mile) or a gorgeous romper I need to be in shape to wear well (I think).

But every time, someone's out there laughing at naive little me, thinking that I can suddenly get pumped and know exactly what to do without any outside help because I definitely can't. It's simple enough to do ab workouts from the comfort of one's dorm (not even with a proper mat, but on a slip-and-slide rug that was deemed "eh, good enough"), but a Rec Center with actual equipment and athletes?

Oh. My. Gosh.

One day, I walked into the gym all chipper and ready to do my fancy little blog-ilates arm workout, and then realized I didn't actually know where any of the equipment was. About 98 percent of the contraptions absolutely confounded me. I walked in a dazed, confused half-circle before deciding I needed a quick bathroom reprieve; I had panicked so hard that my bladder was in need of relief.

I almost left the gym.

Yeah, it took 15 minutes to walk there, and I nearly turned right back around to waste a total half hour of my day. That's how overwhelmed I was.

But nope, I hoped to come away with something (jiggly arms be damned!). So, I marched back into that cardio/weight room and focused my myopic vision with all the strength I could muster, and eventually zeroed in on the dumbbells! I never thought I'd be so happy to see those stupid weights.

I worked out for 20 minutes (wow, congratulations to me) and it was so awkward. I wasn't sure where exactly I was supposed to stand, so I just faced the huge window with my iPhone on the window seat thing with the blog-ilates video playing. I imagine I looked very much like a workout "noob" indeed.

Good thing I didn't recognize anyone.

When I left, I felt like all the people who were there when I first arrived were stillin full workout mode. What's wrong with them? How do people get so fit in the first place? Where do they find the strength and willpower?

Walking back, my arms felt weird. I had my water bottle and keys firmly tucked under my left arm, so my right arm was awkwardly unoccupied. At one point, I looked at my shadow and saw this weird orangutan arm motion going on.

It was sad. I felt like a wiggly waggly inflatable man.

Oh well. At least I have super cute sports bras! (Spoken like a true workout noob, am I right?)