Sexists men are every woman's dream. Without the lovely misogynistic attitudes that woman put up with all the time, we would just be too darn empowered. We need men, who are definitely superior to our fragile emotional beings, to remind us of lots of important things. Here are some of them:

Without sexist men mansplaining simplistic pieces of the world, women would be walking around blind. Without a man making us feel inferior by explaining something we learned in grade school, we would be very confused, so thank you.

Without sexist men telling us what we can and cannot do with our bodies, we would not know how to handle ourselves or even how to get ourselves dressed. My mother once had a boss who was quite good at this; we'll call him Richard (his friends call him Dick). Richard felt women belonged in skirts, and as any wise, insecure sexist would, he made sure my mother knew she was not allowed to wear pants in his workplace.

Richard was quite pleased to see my mother in her gauchos, which he mistook for a maxi skirt. He made sure to compliment her outfit, as it was very proper of a woman. His large ego (perhaps there to over-compensate) was deeply hurt when she lifted her leg to reveal - HA - she was still wearing pants.

Without sexist men like Richard, my mother would have been actually allowed to teach the training programs SHE wrote and created. But she was "too cute," so no one would take her seriously anyway.

Without sexist men, we would have no one to judge us purely on our looks. Like the teenage boy who turned in his seat to tell me he was surprised I was in a high-level English class because I "look stupid". I will make sure to wear my glasses next time to fulfill your stereotype.

Without sexist men, we would have no one to give us confidence by cat-calling as we walk down the street. That is a daily boost we could not live without.

Without sexist men, feminists would cease to be considered feminazis. But we all hate men anyway, so that's fine.

Without sexist men, we would move up quicker in the work place without our capabilities being doubted, which would be too harmful to companies.

Without sexist men, we would forget our place is in the kitchen. We do make a pretty mean sandwich.

Without sexist men, we wouldn't get called a bitch for being opinionated. I mean, that is the only reason we speak our mind, to be bitchy.

Without sexist men, our periods would not be blamed for the literally everything. But women are always menstruating so that has to be it.

Without sexist men, I wouldn't be writing a satirical piece about the jerks who impede women's rights. Women aren't funny though anyway, so I guess this may turn out to be as useful as their outdated opinions.