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20 Years Was Not Enough

Jan 09, 2017

My great grandmother died about a month ago and it was the worse moment in my life thus far. I struggled with accepting it and still struggle now. I couldn't really talk about it because at this point everyone would say " she was in a better place" " she's no longer in pain" " she loved you". I didn't want to hear that; I wanted her back. If she loved me so much, why did she leave me here to feel like this? I cried so much I couldn't breathe. I felt my chest tightening up inside of me and I thought I was being selfish. I would do anything to have her back and take away the pain I was left to endure. Selfish, yes I know, but I miss her so much it kills me inside. So here are my thoughts that I wrote a few days after she left me as I laid awake not able to sleep. These words came to me:

My love couldn't keep you here
My tears cant bring you back
My heart is breaking without you
But that's my burden to bare.

You were called home
And are free of pain
While us down here
Are in tremendous pain

I wish I could bring you back
To see that smile again
I wish I had more time with you
I'm not ready to say goodbye again

I am lost without you
I want to give up and lose
I know that's not what you want
But I didn't want you to leave

I am known for being strong
And never giving up
But I'm at a point where I have to ask
What's the point

To bust my butt to get back on track
For another tragedy to knock me back
I know that's life but I cant deal anymore
I need a life break somewhere quiet and alone

I'm losing myself with every passing second
The person everyone knows and loves
Is disappearing and I don't know who is replacing her
I'm broken where's my white flag.

You're with granddaddy now.

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This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.

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20 Years Was Not Enough

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Sleepovers are not a thing. They're just not.

1. You only ask things once.

2. Seriously, you only ask once.

3. When you do muster up the courage to ask your parents for something, you creep around and wait until they’re in a good mood.

4. Before you get that final yes, you have to go through an interview.

5. If you ever got “the eye,” you knew you were screwed.

6. You were always the first to leave your group of friends when hanging out.

7. If you say you will be home at a certain time, you better be home at that time.

8. Seeing a missed call from your parents sends fear and horror through your veins.

9. If relatives are coming over to the house, your room better be clean.

10. You are careful about what jokes you share with your parents.

11. "You’re not an adult until you turn 18! You can do whatever you want then!"

12. If plans change while you’re out, you better text or call.

13. Don’t talk back. Ever.

14. When you’re called by your full name, you’re in deep trouble.

15. Don’t make them call your name twice.

16. Sleepovers are not a thing.

17. Despite all of these things, you know your parents love you.

For better or for worse

1. Pets

2. Mornings

3. Mistakes

4. Cooking for yourself

5. Hosting

6. Taking care of yourself

7. Holidays

8. Roommates

9. Keeping focused and getting stuff done

10. Cleaning

11. Social life

No, really. I'm not mad. Just hungry.

1. You’re tired of people asking you if you know what “RBF” stands for every time you zone out.

2. You’re constantly using the excuse, “I’m just tired” when people ask you if you’re mad.

3. Or “I’m just thinking.”

4. In fact, you’re rarely ever actually mad.

5. But when you are, people usually can’t tell.

6. You find other people with RBF’s and have to convince yourself that you don’t look like them.

7. You constantly remind yourself, “At least I’m not a psycho.”

Some of your best ideas come through boredom.

1. If the professor is late by one minute, I'm leaving.

2. Oh crap, that's due TODAY?!

3. Can I nap in here?

4. I wonder what they're serving at the cafeteria.

5. How much does my teacher even get paid?

6. How much will I get paid?

7. This is the longest 50 minutes of my life.

8. Maybe if I call mom, she'll give me money.

9. How much do street performers make anyway?

10. Why am I here? I could be a street performer by now.

11. Oh right, I'm not talented.

The Belchers hold the key to a better life.

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