I have always been a go-getter. When I was accepted into the Honors College at the University of Vermont, it was a no-brainer that I would join. I pride myself on being the best-of-the-best, even if sometimes it is to my own harm. To graduate in the Honors College, I was required to write a thesis in my area of study: Environmental Engineering. As you might imagine, this is a rigorous course of study, and by the time I had reached my junior year, there were only a few of us engineers left in the Honors College. Despite not having much idea what my thesis would be on, I stuck with the Honors College, because my pride was not going to let me back down. After all, I had already spent my first two years working hard in Honors College seminars- I couldn’t let that go to waste.

Fast forward to fall semester of my senior year, and I had a thesis project started, although just barely. Things were moving slowly, and the machine I was supposed to be collecting data from was not operating properly. I spent a couple months researching the literature, practicing the lab procedure, and writing my methods section. By the time winter break rolled around, I had my methods set, and was just waiting to come back in January to start collecting data. Yet, as you may have presumed from the title of this article, things did not go as planned. The machine continued to cause problems into February, and then February became March, and before I knew it, April was just around the corner. April was supposed to be when I defended my thesis…not when I started it.

Once I realized the machine wasn’t going to allow me to complete my original thesis as planned, I started discussing other options with my advisor. We spoke of several possibilities, I picked one, and for a couple weeks I was doing research on a similar, but new, thesis topic.

At this point, I’m sure you can imagine the stress I was under. Less than two months before graduation, I completely tossed away my previous thesis proposal and started an entirely new project. In the back of my mind, I kept telling myself “this is crazy” and “you should just give up on this now”. Yet I felt that I had already worked so hard, and three and a half years of college was leading up to me completing my thesis and graduating from the Honors College. How could a grade-A student like myself just drop out in the eleventh hour? I didn’t want to consider myself as weak or a failure.

During the next couple weeks, I realized I was a much stronger person than I thought. I started doing some deep thinking about where my priorities lay for the end of my college career. On the one hand, I could’ve spent the last month or so busier than I’d ever been, trying to scrap together a thesis on a foreign topic. My free time would’ve been consumed, I would’ve worried about whether I was going to be able to finish it, my stress levels would’ve been through the roof, etc. etc. And what was my other option? Drop out of the Honors College, face a bit of disappointment in myself, but then proceed to have lots of free time at the end of my college career to enjoy Burlington, Vermont, spend time with my friends, and graduate college with a pleasant taste in my mouth.

It didn’t take me long to figure out which of these options was more appealing to me. After all, I had worked my butt off the past three and a half years, and the prospect of having free time sounded amazing. Realizing this was easy…the hard part was facing my self-disappointment. Initially, I saw dropping out as giving up. Up until this point in my academic career, I had persevered through many difficult assignments, projects, etc., even if they took a lot out of me. It just wasn’t (and truthfully, still isn’t) in my nature to step down from a challenge.

One of the turning points in my thought process was realizing that the circumstances were against me, and stepping away wasn’t weak, it was smart. The machinery was broken, and there was nothing I could do about that. It would’ve been possible for me to complete the thesis, but it would’ve taken near superhuman strength to do so.

I decided I could step away because I’d already accomplished a lot during my time at UVM, and I realized that adding the Honors College to my list of accomplishments wasn’t something that mattered much to me anymore. It may make me feel good in the short term, but in the long term, it wouldn’t have much of an impact on my job prospects or career.

It scared me to email the Dean of the Honors College and tell him I was officially withdrawing. What if I set a precedent for myself of giving up when things got tough? But no, this trend would only continue if I let it. My character wasn’t going to change if I withdrew from the Honors College. Instead, I became stronger by putting my personal life and wellbeing ahead of academics, something that I hadn’t often done in my academic career so far.

I did not regret my decision to withdraw after making it, and 6 months later still do not. Even better, I now have a new perspective on when to persevere through something, and when the stronger thing to do is to take a step back.