This past week marked Rosh Hashanah, the Jewish New Year, followed this coming Wednesday by Yom Kippur, the Day of Atonement. These holidays have been near and dear to my heart since my childhood. I have always looked forward to attending synagogue and preparing and enjoying delicious dinners in the company of family and friends. While some may anticipate Yom Kippur with apprehension, mainly because it involves fasting from sunset to sunset, there is something that I find particularly appealing about a chance to start fresh.
This is what Yom Kippur is all about. When we gather in synagogue or temple for hours on this holiest of days, we are instructed to seek forgiveness, or atonement, from all of those who we have wronged over the past year. This includes not only those whom we have hurt intentionally, but those who have been slighted by us unintentionally, as well. We chant in unison, asking G-d to forgive us for innumerable sins. Interestingly, while offering up apologies in this manner has an altruistic tone, it is certainly not all about the others in our lives. There is something inherently selfish about this task, as well. According to the Jewish religion, Yom Kippur draws a line in the sand in terms of forgiveness. In order to be inscribed in G-d’s Book of Life, and be granted another good and blessed year, this soul-searching and genuine forgiveness-seeking must take place.
I am certain that Yom Kippur can have meaning to those who are not Jewish. It is indisputable that we all have something for which we should or could atone, someone to whom we owe a reconciliation, or some wrongdoing for which we should be seeking forgiveness. More broadly, the holiday can be seen as an opportunity to consider the general concept of apologies, the notion of saying “I’m sorry.” I have observed among many people, particularly women, myself included, that the phrase, “I’m sorry,” is used too often when the utterer has absolutely no need to be or feel sorry. It is often an unfortunate, meaningless, verbal tic. On the other hand, there are those individuals with whom we all interact who are seemingly incapable of offering up a simple apology when it is most definitely needed.
Yom Kippur has taught me, has reinforced for me year after year, that saying “I’m sorry” needs to be more than just words. A true apology has to be a genuine acknowledgement that you have wronged another person, be it deliberate and calculated or inadvertent. Whether you meant to hurt someone is neither here nor there. The hurt is real, regardless of intent. A true apology must also be given in selflessness, so that it is clear to the person who has been wronged that your words are meaningful. Most importantly, saying “I’m sorry” should be accompanied by some action, some concrete indication that there won’t be a next time.
Finally, it is interesting to note that the conclusion of Yom Kippur is marked by the blowing of the Shofar, a ram’s horn, which in Biblical times was the very sound that both called nations to war and signaled the arrival of peace. In our times, which are increasingly difficult and fraught with misunderstanding, intolerance, terror and violence, this call can be a reminder to seek improvement, personally, and as a nation and world.
