It's 5 degrees outside. Cold! On the inside I am cranky, but from my appearance you may see a genuinly happy guy. Somebody who is eager to chat for a moment or two. This is true, yet often I hold it together just long enough in these moments before I want distance and space. I sit. I ponder. I think.
What I want to say is not here. Sometimes its the words. Sometimes its the emotion. Surrounding all of us is a lot of frustration and confusion, thus stress and fatigue. I am not impervious to it all. No matter the strength and capability I acquire, we are still always at balance with the people around us. Whether you engage with them or not.
It would be selfish if I said this is something that I am seperate or immune from. The only difference there seems to be between us all is how we choose to respond to any circumstance of emotions. I deeply desire for a lot of us to be genuinely happy. Not through satisfactory means, but rather through fulfillment and trust in on another.
I know that one of the flaws is to expect too much out of others. It is a flaw because I am expecting too much out of myself, and not wholly caring towards the expectations of others. A lie floats around supporting this. They aren't relatable to you. What they want is completely different.
What in the heck is this! Is it the weather? Do I need to exercise? Do yoga? Eat? Meditate? Do I need to get laid? The latter sounds very nice, but even this is only satisfactory and temporary to a point.
It is connection that I crave. I didn't know that I would grow to want authentic conversations with fellow human beings, so I didn't apply much time working towards it. Now, it only seems like an awkward junior high dance. Interactive interaction does not suffice either. It is raw, live experiences with humans that are flooded with laughter. This is what I dream of the most. It matters not where or from who this livliness happens. I just want it to be real... true.
Go ahead! Curse at the weather! Curse at the wind! When the correct temperance is among us, the world will be filled with our purest Joy again.
