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The Six Stages of Winter Break, As Told By Ron Swanson

"Merry Christmas. End of speech."

Sydney Hamilton

Dec 17, 2017

University of Pittsburgh at Johnstown

127

The Six Stages of Winter Break, As Told By Ron Swanson

The Man Guide

It's that time, Christmas time is here... It's winter break everyone! Finals are over, you're moved home for a month or so, it's an amazing time of year. But it isn't all roses. Here are the six stages of being home for Christmas break, as told by the one, the only, the man, the myth, the legend: Ron Swanson.

1. FINALS. ARE. OVER.

NO MORE STUDYING, NO MORE PAPERS, NO HOMEWORK FOR THE NEXT MONTH.

2. Time to catch up on all that Netflix I missed!

I'm sure we all used Netflix as a stress reliever during the semester, but we're not nearly as caught up on our shows as we want to be. Time to kick back and relax - I earned it!

3. ...what now?

Netflix, Christmas shopping, even sleeping... I can only kill so much time. What's it like to have free time again? I forget how to just sit and do nothing...

4. I officially have like three "home" friends I can call to hang out with.

You know how they say you lose contact with everyone you went to high school with and you always said "that'll never happen to me because we are ~BeStIeS for LiFe~!"? This is when you finally admit that they were right. (But those three friends you still keep up with? Pretty amazing.)

5. YES, it's finally time to go back to school!

I've missed my school friends and my routine and sleeping until 3PM on Saturdays without being judged! The thought of going back to class is almost exciting! (For now)

6. But going back to school means not being home...

I already miss the home cooked meals and the free laundry and being around my family all the time... Mom, you'd better answer all of my calls, okay? Okay?!

Winter break has its pros and cons, but it's important to value the time you get to spend at home - if you're like me and you're graduating soon, this is the last time you'll ever get a month off for Christmas. Soak it all in, man! (Except me, because I live at home so I forever get the best of both worlds.)

Merry Christmas. End of speech.

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With more people becoming aware of transgender and non-binary people, there have been a lot of questions circulating online and elsewhere about how to be more inclusive. Language is very important in making a space safer for trans and non-binary individuals. With language, there is an established and built-in measure of whether a place could be safe or unsafe. If the wrong language is used, the place is unsafe and shows a lack of education on trans and non-binary issues. With the right language and education, there can be more safe spaces for trans and non-binary people to exist without feeling the need to hide their identities or feel threatened for merely existing.

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Becuase of all things to be addicted to, you're addicted to making money.

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After turning 16, our parents start to push us to get a job and take on some responsibility. We start to make our own money in order to fund the fun we intend on having throughout the year. But what happens when you've officially become so obsessed with making money that you can't even remember the last day you had off? You, my friend, have become a workaholic. Being a workaholic can be both good and bad. It shows dedication to your job and the desire to save money. It also shows that you don't have a great work-life balance. Here are the signs of becoming a workaholic.

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The Six Stages of Winter Break, As Told By Ron Swanson

"Merry Christmas. End of speech."

1. FINALS. ARE. OVER.

2. Time to catch up on all that Netflix I missed!

3. ...what now?

4. I officially have like three "home" friends I can call to hang out with.

5. YES, it's finally time to go back to school!

6. But going back to school means not being home...

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It's Been a Long Winter Break

Making the world safer through language.

1. Use singular they for people whose pronouns you don't know, people who use those pronouns, and stop using him/her.

2. Stop using the words "opposite sex" or "both sexes" or "opposite gender" or "both genders".

3. Ask people's pronouns when you meet them.

4. Use the word cisgender.

5. Stop saying "born a boy/girl" about a transgender or non-binary person.

6. Stop using the term 'preferred pronouns'.

7. Stop using a transgender or non-binary person's dead name.

Sometimes, we just can't help the feelings we have

1. Wow. My voice sounds amazing with this song.

2. Okay, if you can't sing, don't do it.

3. But wait, I don't think I can be friends with someone who isn't going to jam out in the car with me.

4. Dance part in the car! Even when I'm alone. Because every song is my favorite.

5. Stop light. Act calm. Be cool.

6. Yes! Green light! Back at it!

7. I don't know this song, but I'm going to sing along anyway.

8. Why am I not famous yet?

9. Being next to someone who can't sing so you feel good about yourself because you rock!

10. OK, I'm so good. I need to sing louder so I can help these people out.

11. My voice doesn't reach some of those notes, maybe I should sit this one out.

12. Randomly bursting out in song and getting weird looks because of it.

13. God, thank you so much for giving me a good voice.

14. Man, I feel bad for people who can't sing.

15. Was I just humming? Did they hear me?

16. Having dance moves to go along with most songs.

17. Not being able to stop yourself at correcting people when they mess up.

18. Maybe I should post myself singing.

19. Nah, can't do it. Dumb idea.

20. Having my own personal concert in the shower. Every single time.

Normal people wouldn't understand

1. Having time to nap between classes or at all.

2. Waking up 10 minutes before your class starts and making it there in time.

3. Making it to class in general

4. Only having to hit the snooze button three times.

5. When you didn't do the homework and the teacher decides not to collect it for that day.

6. Getting that "I'm sorry, but class is cancelled" email.

7. Finding a quiet seat in the library.

8. Actually enjoying a class and understanding all of the material.

9. Having a friend to eat lunch with.

10. Finishing an assignment before the due date.

11. When there is free food on campus.

Becuase of all things to be addicted to, you're addicted to making money.

1. You can't remember your last day off.

2. Whenever someone asks to hang out, you're working.

3. When you do see your friends, you're in a "treating mood."

4. You work so much you don't have time to spend the money you're making.

5. You're too tired to function when you aren't working.

6. Finally seeing your friends and having way too much to catch up on.

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