Okay, so a couple things you need to know about me before I give out my advice for picking this year’s March Madness bracket winners and losers. First, I know absolutely nothing about college basketball. I did play basketball so I understand the rules. But I don’t follow the sport. Second, I tend to win my brackets - and not just a bracket with ten people, but a bracket with more than 200 participants. I can’t explain how this happens, but I am going to try to share the logic I use when I fill out my bracket, so you can win this year, too.

Warning: These are unconventional… to say the least.

1. Toss the Seeds

Ignore them. Cover them up. Do whatever you need to do so the ranking of each team has absolutely no influence whatsoever on your picks. Numbers don’t mean anything.

2. Well… maybe not all the seeds

I am always one for an underdog, but a 16 seed has never beat a 1 seed in the history of the tournament. So don’t go there. Seriously, don’t.

My First-Round Picks:
- Villanova over I DON’T CARE
- North Carolina over IT DOESN’T MATTER
- Kansas over WHO? WHAT? BUELLER?
- Gonzaga over ARE WE STILL ON THIS? REALLY?

3. The school rejected me, so I’m rejecting them

Sorry, Northwestern, but I hope you get stomped in the first round. I’ll even cut out the story about your loss from the newspaper and send it to your admissions director. Go Commodores.

My First-Round Pick:
- Vanderbilt over Northwestern

4. Anything boys can do, girls can do better

Title winner? Try consulting Title Nine. Here’s another tip. If you are stumped by a matchup, just Google each team’s athletic departments. Pick the school with the most female varsity sports. Dayton has 9, Wichita State has 8. Sorry, Wichita, but women deserve better.

My First-Round Pick:
- Dayton over Wichita State

5. Toga! Toga!! Toga!!!

Pick party schools to win, but not for the reason you may think. Party schools buy tons of beer, chips, and pizza. So the further the party schools advance, the more successful the small-business owners are in those college towns. Shout out to the local communities. University of Wisconsin is the number one party school in the nation… I’ll be picking them to beat Virginia Tech this year.

My First-Round Pick:
- University of Wisconsin over Virginia Tech

6. Zuckerberg never graduated from Harvard

But Jim Henson graduated from the University of Maryland. For anyone who doesn’t know who that is, Henson was the creator of the Muppets, including Kermit the Frog. When in doubt, pick the school with cooler alumni.

My First-Round Picks:
- University of Maryland over Xavier (Maryland Alumnus Jim Henson, Muppets creator)
- Louisville over Jacksonville State (Louisville Alumnus Diane Sawyer, ABC News Anchor)
- University of Cincinnati over Play-in game winner (Cincinnati Alumnus Ronald Howes, Inventor of the Easy-Bake Oven)

7. They’re on the Edge of Glory

Did you know you can enroll in “Lady Gaga and the Sociology of Fame” at the University of Southern California (USC)? I’m all in, so I’m picking USC to advance. Oh, and by the way, to those players at Georgia State University, if you ever make the field I’m picking you to win the whole thing. “Kanye vs. Everybody!” as a class? Yeah, baby, yeah!

My First-Round Pick:
- USC over Providence in the play-in game and over SMU in the first round

8. Mascots. It’s all about the mascots.

This is the first thing I look at when picking. If one mascot is a predator, and the other is prey, go with the predator. Simple as that. The West Virginia Mountaineers are up against the Bucknell Bison. Come on, this is straight-forward hunter versus prey. History has taught us that the Mountaineers win this one. Unless, of course, bison have suddenly grown opposable thumbs and have gotten their hoofs on some guns.

My First-Round Picks:
- West Virginia over Bucknell (Mountaineers against some Buffalo...)
- Virginia over UNC Wilmington (Cavaliers with swords against birds…. Sorry Wilmington)
- Nevada over Iowa State (Okay, a cyclone probably could take out a Wolfpack, but I couldn’t leave out The Hangover reference. Go with Nevada and Alan at the blackjack tables.)

9. What Was I Thinkin’

Vermont to win in the first round? I know, what was I thinking? Well, Dierks Bentley is an alumnus. I will be cheering on Dierks at Faster Horses in Michigan this summer, so what the heck, I’ll be cheering on the Catamounts too. Admittedly, the Vermont players are usually somewhere on a beach this time of year, but this March they’ll be taking down the Boilermakers from Purdue. Go Catamounts!

My First-Round Picks:
- Vermont over Purdue (Vermont Alumnus Dierks Bentley)
- East Tennessee State over University of Florida (ETSU Alumnus Kenny Chesney)

10. Location. Location. Location.

I pick schools based on where they are - and whether I would want to visit. For example, North Dakota State is playing the University of Arizona. Do I really want to visit Fargo, North Dakota for fun? In March? Given this choice, hello sunny Tucson, Arizona. And welcome Wildcats to round 2.

My First-Round Picks:
- University of Arizona over North Dakota State
- Rhode Island over Creighton

11. The Mercy Rule.

Being sweaty basketball players is no excuse to be poorly dressed. Pull up pictures of the uniforms of the two teams and choose the more chic look. Winthrop, Minnesota, Florida State and Iona all have the same uniform colors as my alma mater, Mercy High School (Farmington Hills, Michigan). So I am going with them. Tyra Banks approves.

My First-Round Picks:
- Winthrop over Butler
- Minnesota over Middle Tennessee
- Florida State over Florida Gulf Coast
- Iona over University of Oregon

12. You can’t skip rope and chew gum at the same time

So don’t pick schools with strong football teams, because you can't possibly be good at both.

My First-Round Picks:
- Seton Hall over Arkansas
- New Mexico State over Baylor

13. Is East High in the tournament?

Troy Bolton of the East High Wildcats from High School Musical? Well, just Troy, but still. Pick any school you can make some kind of pop culture reference to.

My First-Round Picks:
- Troy over Duke (Troy Bolton)
- University of Kentucky over Northern Kentucky (They’re the Wildcats! East High!)

14. Sleeper Pick?

Okay, I have no idea what an actual ‘sleeper pick’ means. But I hear people use this term all the time. So, here’s my sleeper pick in a typical year… The University of Miami in Florida. They have the best Nap Rooms on campus! However, MSU is playing Miami in the first round this year….so see rule number 17. So, instead, this year’s sleeper picks are those schools with the most-sleep-deprived students, according to Jawbone, a fitness tracking company.

My First-Round Picks:
- Notre Dame over Princeton
- Virginia Commonwealth over St. Mary’s

15. The boyfriend rule

Know someone at the school? Like that person? Pick the school. My boyfriend attends Marquette University, so I’m all in.

My First-Round Pick:
- Marquette University over South Carolina

16. John Tucker Must Die

The University of Michigan must lose. No questions asked. Are you even a Spartan?

My First-Round Pick:
- Literally ANYONE over The University of Michigan

17. When Michigan State is in it, pick them to win it.

We have Izzo. Need I say more?

My First-Round Pick:
- Michigan State University over EVERYBODY

You might think this is complete madness. But, I have proof that it works - at least for me. Good Luck!