Relationships aren't argument-free. We all know that, whether it's a friendship or a romantic relationship. A little bickering is healthy in a relationship because it's important to fully discuss what you're thinking and feeling. Although fighting is inevitable, we don't have to enjoy it.
Instead of internalizing everything or full-on screaming, think of some other ways you can confront the problem(s) at hand.
Here are some tricks to keeping your cool if you're feeling frustrated with your boyfriend or girlfriend:
1. Take a step back.
If you're like me, you're super reactive. When something pisses you off, you get angry quickly. It's hard to not snap and say the first thing that comes to mind, which might not always be the most friendly thought. It's incredibly important to give yourself time to let that initial response pass so you can calmly reply with a clear mind. I'm not saying you won't still get pissed off, but conversations usually go more smoothly if you don't snap right at the beginning.
2. Count to 10.
It might sound kind of dumb and like something you're taught in kindergarten, but it actually works. Like I said, you need to give yourself time to cool down when you get angry. Counting to ten gives you a brief period to think so you can find a proper, well-worded response that clearly indicates how you're feeling and not just anger.
3. Use "I" Language
When someone does something that bothers you, it's easy to point fingers. Their action pissed you off, their words hurt your feelings. However, the "blame game" doesn't get anything solved. Instead of saying, "You were late picking me up this morning," instead say, "Because I was waiting on you to pick me up his morning, I was late to class and got chewed out by my professor. That's why I was so angry." Using that form of phrasing establishes their behavior that upset you, your feelings, and the consequences of their actions. If you just use "You" language instead of "I" language, it'll more likely cause them to be defensive.
4. Ask to talk in person instead of over text.
It's incredibly easy for things to be misinterpreted over text. Whether it's punctuation or lack thereof, emoji choice, or a potential tone change, the littlest of things can get inside our head and create problems that never existed in the first place. Talking face-to-face eliminates this constant guessing or problem creating because you can tell how they're feeling through body movements and verbal and nonverbal expressions. If it's a real, very serious problem, it should be discussed in person instead of text anyway, due to the severity of the issue. Important conversations shouldn't be communicated via texting.
5. Try to look at their side of the issue.
Unless they tell us, we only really know how the situation is being interpreted through our perspective. We only see how we have been effected through the situation. It's important that when you take a step back to cool down, you try to think of how you contributed to the problem as well. You might feel that something he said hurt your feelings, but maybe something you said hurt his as well. Maybe he was late to pick you up because you accidentally told him the wrong time.
Arguing may be inevitable, but you don't have to fight. If you take these tips and apply them whenever you get frustrated with your significant other, things can hopefully be resolved and moved past easily and quickly. Set a precedent for how you solve disputes together so you can live happily ever after.
