Cults are not as un common theses days as some may think, but they are uncommon enough that people may not always recognize one when they see it. I grew up in one of these 'cults' and it really did feel like we lived in a world all our own. We were completely cut off from anything remotely normal.

In my early childhood I wouldn't have guessed I was any different from anyone else. I understood that I had to dress, act, talk, and live differently but as a child I didn't let that stop me from having fun. I never let my long skirts and long ponytail get in my way. I could run as fast as any of the boys at the park or ride my bike just as good as any other kid. I learned my way to navigate my way of life without it ever occurring to ask why I was different. Even if I had thought to ask I would have been told "because this is how God wants you to dress."

My 'dress', was a very modest long skirt that was no higher than mid calf length. Shirts were not allowed to be the least bit tight which meant as a size 6 girl I wore a size 10 or 12 to make sure I was covered enough and my figure was completely hidden. Sleeves in shirts were preferred to be long but could be no shorter than your elbow. And shoes. Well shoes were no heals higher than an inch and nothing with an open back or toe. On top of all this my hair had never been cut. And yes I meant not even trimmed to get rid of the split ends. And last of all, absolutely no make up whatsoever. Period. Exclamation point. There were no questions asked and there was no fudging of rules.

Even with all of these rules I still found my way around some of them. I loved horses like crazy and when I was ten years old I learned to ride. My teacher did give me a few sermons about safely being nonexistent when riding a horse in a skirt. She would do this any chance she got. I answered her by telling her that if I was bold enough to ride in a skirt and proclaim myself as a christian for everyone to see, then God would protect me. I would be in God's favor for risking my life without a care for my safety so God would be pleased. My instructor never succeed in changing this. I rode and showed horses for five years in my blue jean skirt; that fell all the way to my ankles.

Eventually I was given a guilt trip for being 'to good t riding'. I should stop before I became to vain. I had done enough to show the world how good of a christian I was. I rode in two horse shows in which I took home a blue ribbon each time. But I was told to stop here because I was to good now and I should sacrifice my worldly passion to serve God better by reading the bible more instead. So I stopped riding.

As I became a teenager I want so bad to have friends. I wanted to be able to go out and be with friends on my own. But seriously, no teenager wants to hang out with a girl that feels compelled at every meeting to tell them about how amazing her religion is or better yet tries to get them to her church where the people run the isle ways 'in the spirit'. I was just plain weird,

I wanted to leave. When I turned 15, I started dreaming about collage. Getting out. getting away. I never told anyone because I couldn't. If I even thought about it God would be mad. I couldn't leave this church for another because God would be mad. The only way for me to keep God from being mad at me was to accept my fate as 'a woman of God' and live it to the best I could and then some. And never, never ask any questions.

To do this, I should hope that some Godly man would come along and marry me when I was 18 so I could have as many children as I could to please God. Cook in the kitchen for this man and read my Bible and pray all the time. I needed to give all dreams of collage, horses, and my all time dream of being a published writer aside to serve God by serving the man that chose me. Again, questions be damned. As a woman you serve God by being an obedient, and submissive, baby making servant for the man that picked you. Period.

This idea of life was not what I wanted. It brought me to tears to think of resigning to that life when there was so much world out there to see. What about all those other people out there that loved God. All those other Christians? Surely if it said in the Bible: " He that believes on me shall not surly parish." There had to be more. There must be so much more to life than this.