I think everyone has heard what a nightmare organic chemistry is. Everyone has a friend, or a friend of a friend, who failed organic chemistry and consequently failed out of college and wound up selling tacos for the rest of their life… or something along those lines. Honestly, it’s easy to see why people are so afraid of organic chemistry. It is the highest level of chemistry needed for lots of non-chemistry dominated majors especially for pre-med requirements and it’s also just terrifying to look at.

But fear not, organic chemistry will not be the end of your dreams.

Organic chemistry will not destroy you.

Organic chemistry will not strip away your worth as a person.

Organic chemistry will not force you out of college and away from everything you’ve worked for.

I tell you this from experience and with that experience I can also tell you this:

Organic chemistry will make you cry.

Organic chemistry will have you up all night chugging coffee.

Organic chemistry will be the cause of your first hair.

You might wake up at night with a crippling feeling in your chest because you dreamed that you had a test in the morning and hadn’t studied enough.

But know this, even if you fail organic chemistry, you will accomplish your dreams.

I was in your position once. I sat in the front row of the lecture hall, textbook opened beside me, and eyes glued to the blackboard as my professor drew monstrous diagrams of electrons and mechanisms. I remember the first test I failed and how my vomit tasted after it was handed back to me. I remember every night I spent crying, every time I self-harmed because I felt so stupid, and I remember watching my closest friend go through the same thing. Organic chemistry was easily the most challenging course I’ve ever taken.

I wound up getting a C in organic chemistry 1, and a B+ in organic chemistry 2. They aren’t pretty scores. They are far from the As I was used to. But I made it through. I am still in college. I’m still alive. Here’s my secret… I sought help.

The reason I scored so low my first semester was because I refused to ask for help. After I failed the first test I started to have panic attacks before every test. My throat would feel like it was closing up, I couldn’t read instructions, and I’d be sweating so much my pencil was falling out of my grasp. Still, I thought I was being ridiculous. I thought I just needed to study harder. It took me two tests before my professor put me in contact with someone.

By this point I had gotten a D and two Cs on my tests and I was certain I was going to lose my scholarships. However, my test scores rose about a letter grade and a half. I managed to keep my scholarships and I the next semester I had an action plan on how to accomplish my goals, which should be evident in the grade jump. All this because I met with some therapists and I was given permission to take tests in a separate room, I was given a space I could take realistic practice tests so I’d panic on the fake one and not the real one, and I had someone I could talk to about my depression and anxiety.

So what I am trying to say is this, ask for help. Don’t wait because you think you are being ridiculous. It’s normal to feel nervous about a difficult subject, but you should feel crippled. Don’t be afraid of organic chemistry because there are resources there to help you. Talk to your professor, talk to the school therapists, talk to the learning center, to your friends, to people who have taken the course already, no one wants to see you fail.

Remember to breathe.

Remember you are worth more than what grade you receive.

And lastly, even if you do fail organic chemistry know that it isn’t the end of your dreams. My junior year I decided chemistry wasn’t for me. I changed my major to English, I’m about to graduate and I have never been happier.