Sometimes I think I am the luckiest girl in the whole world. In one week I am leaving to work at an archaeological dig. Like, a real life actual archaeological dig where I will be doing real life actual archaeological research. Oh, and it’s also in Italy. I am so thrilled at this opportunity. I am going to spend the next five weeks digging in the Italian dirt to uncover untold secrets about the past. I will be able to hold actual tangible pieces of the history of human kind in my hand. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity… so why is it that the number one thing on my mind is how scared I am of everything that could go wrong?

There is so much to be afraid of. I did not use to be afraid. When I was accepted into the program I was ecstatic. I was going to get to live out a childhood dream of the adventurer archaeologist (well, less adventurer and more archaeologist, but close enough)! However, my fears have been slowly eating away at my confidence and resolve since I was accepted, and I am to the point where I feel the need to question if I should even go on this trip. But here’s the thing, I don’t want to be afraid anymore. I’m tired of being scared. I am about to embark on an amazing journey, and I don’t want this crippling fear to be what I remember.

Nonetheless, my fears are very real. How do I keep them from overwhelming me? As Franklin D. Roosevelt said, “Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the assessment that something else is more important than fear.” I will never be able to fully get rid of my fears. But If I acknowledge them, I can analyze them, and I can find the things that are more important than those fears. I can, and will minimalize their hold on me.

One of the things that worries me is my own ignorance. I don’t speak Italian. I’m about to go live in a country for 5 weeks, and I don’t even speak the language. Not only that, but I am about to go work on an archaeological dig and I’VE NEVER TAKEN AN ARCHAEOLOGY CLASS IN MY LIFE. At this point I find myself asking, what in the world was I thinking? Now I find myself researching cell phone plans and pen drives and plug adapters and I feel lost and overwhelmed by this process that I knew was coming but I didn’t know anything about, and to be honest probably still don’t know as much as I need to know to successfully prepare. The language barrier, the culture barrier, my lack of instruction in this field, it all seemed nominal in the face of the amazing experience I would have. I figured I would learn as the program progressed and that it would be no big deal. However, now that it is time for me to go, those are the things I can’t stop thinking about. I am crippled by fear of my own ineptitude, and the closer my departure draws this fear only grows stronger.

This fear of what I don’t know is legitimate, but the more I look at myself and how scared I am, the more I realize that there is no need to be so frightened. No, I don’t know Italian, but I have an open mind and I am willing to learn. I have a background in both Latin and Spanish which will help me pick up the language more quickly, and more importantly, I am really excited to learn to speak Italian! Also, I don’t know much about archaeology, but I am going on this trip in order to learn. That’s why I chose this program in the first place! No one expects you to be an expert in organic chemistry before you take the class. How is this any different? I will have peers who are in the same situation as me and mentors who will lead me until I am confident in my own skills. I figured I would learn as I go, and that is exactly what is going to happen. I have read all the required reading from archaeological textbooks and papers, so my brain is primed for the information it is going to gain while I am there. I am resourceful, and a quick thinker, and I am ready to learn. Why am I worrying so much about this?

I am also scared of the image I gain from being an American traveling overseas. I find it amusing and disheartening that when I googled “How not to appear American when traveling” I had no shortage of articles to read through. From fashion tips to make you seem more European to the 21 things that Americans do that label them as American every time (apparently tennis shoes are a dead giveaway), it’s not hard to see that being American in this day and age is not necessarily positive when you are abroad. To be honest, I understand why America may not be well liked as a whole. In the past, our country has not always acted in ways that would present us in the most flattering light. However, it is also terrifying to know that I have a big target painted on my back in red, white, and blue. What if this target really does mark me as a tourist, as gullible, as an object for scammers and conmen to prey on? What if people really do think that being American is synonymous with being culturally insensitive, rude, and all around indifferent to their surroundings?

This fear is legitimate, and the more I think about it the more I realize that I am definitely not the only one experiencing this. Imagine how all people visiting America feel when they look or sound or dress differently. Imagine how anyone feels, visiting a different country where they must try to fit in. I’m sure they fear just as I do, that they will be judged as nothing more than their stereotypes. There may be some Americans who are loud and rude and culturally insensitive, who are gullible and easily scammed, but I am not one of them. I know I am more than just a stereotype. While I am traveling I will do my best to represent America in the ways I know how. I will be courteous, grateful, polite, and my mind will be open to new ideas and experiences. No, I don’t think it would be a good idea for me to run around advertising my nationality to everyone in my American flag T-shirt. However, neither should I assume that everyone will hate me from the moment they figure out where I am from. It is ok for me to be concerned about how people perceive me, but I should not be so afraid that I refuse to interact with anyone outside of my small group.

Lastly, my greatest fear that I will become a target because of my gender. Ever since I was accepted into this program, I have been receiving cryptic warnings about my own safety. These warnings were never meant to scare me, only prepare me for some of the potential dangers that would lie ahead. But the warnings kept coming, along with stories that made me want to lock myself in my room and never leave again. With each warning the subversive seeds of doubt rooted a little farther in my mind and finally grew into full-fledged worry, undermining any confidence I had going into this trip. Now I am afraid of every person that I haven’t met, of the residents of a town I have never been to where I am expected to live for the next five weeks. I did not use to be, but now I am afraid of being a woman.

Those who warn me mean well, but for the majority of my trip I do not have to live in fear. I am lucky because the town where I am staying has an extremely low crime rate. However, this does not mean that I am going to let my guard down. I will be cautious and weary. I will always be on the lookout in case something does not seem right, in case there is someone who intends to harm me or any of the other girls on this trip. I do not have to be scared because the odds of someone trying to commit violent crimes against me or any of the other women I am with are extremely low. But I do have to be prepared. As long as I remain cautious, there is no need for me to let this fear cloud my trip through Italy.

I have acknowledged my fears, and their reality and gravity, in order to prevent them from taking over me. I refuse to let fear be the most important factor in my journey. Instead, I will think of all the incredible things that are to come: the knowledge I will gain, the friends I will meet, the food I will try (like the gelato I am going to eat daily), the memories I am going to make. Fear has no place among these exciting and new experiences. I will not worry about all the things that might go wrong. Instead, I focus on all the things that could go right.