In Australia there are four clear divisions of wildlife. Knowing which is which could be the difference between walking out of the bush (woodlands in Australia) alive or being airlifted out by the Royal flying doctor service. The four subsets of wildlife in my home country include: harmless, harmless until provoked, bloody berserk, and the creatures of myth and legend.

The harmless category of Australian wildlife are animals you can rely on to run away whenever you approach them. Animals that fit cleanly into this category include wallabies, echidnas, koalas, wombats, possums, rabbits, quokkas, and quolls. These animals will never attack you and most are your generic cute and cuddly stuffed toy type of animal.

The harmless unless provoked category include the animals that only attack obnoxious tourists, drunkards or people without sense. Animals in this group include kangaroos, plover birds, funnel web and red back spiders, Tasmanian devils, male platypuses (they have poisonous spines), and magpies. These animals are like the big quiet guy in school that everyone knows not to annoy. However, inevitably someone does mess with them and gets put back in their place rapidly.

The bloody berserk category will attack anything that moves. No matter what you do you will be bitten, chased, or maimed by these creatures. Emus, cassowaries, dingoes, wild boar, crocodiles, and every venomous snake under the Australian sun will find themselves members of this category. These animals are often unpredictable, if you ever manage to find yourself within striking distance of these aforementioned terrors, run, there isn't much else you can do.

Finally the creatures of myth and legend. I will neither confirm nor deny the existence of these mysterious beasts, as evidence of their non-existence is completely balanced by that of their existence. Drop bears, bunyips, and white-boomers are all legendary animals that are borne of either songs, nightmares or campfire stories; whether the tellers of these stories were trustworthy is a question for debate.

I fully understand that this piece does not describe each animal in detail, however if you know which ones are likely to put you in hospital you are one step ahead. This piece should inspire enough fear in you to discover each animal of Australia and decide if they belong to the categories I have assigned.