I wish I could say that I eloped to save money or to travel to some exotic location, but unfortunately that just isn't true. In fact, I had my wedding completely planned and the invitations sent. It was going to be a complete family affair. Each generation from both sides of the family were going to make a tier of the cake, my mother made the flowers arrangements, my cousin would take the pictures, and the ceremony was to be held on my almost 200 year old family farm with 200 plus of our friends and family there. The reception was to be held at a local park and my brother would DJ; appetizers and drinks provided again by the families.

I had expressed my desire to test the limits of how cheap we could hold the wedding and still be classy and tasteful. All in all we spent $3000 total.

The first issues started when I expressed my desire to have my horse in the wedding. My horse's love prevented me from committing suicide in high school and I am very attached to the life she's allowed me to live. Having her in the wedding just made sense, but apparently only to me. My mother denies that I was suicidal and my grandma vehemently despises animals and was afraid my mare would poop on her lawn or eat a shrub. So I asked another cousin if he'd be my honorary horse handler. He said yes, problem fixed.

Next came the dress. My budget was $100. I wanted a very simple sheath dress and was very happy with the one I had picked out online. I agreed to drive an hour and a half back home for the first fitting so that it would be easier on my mom and grandma. I had initially planned on simply meeting them at the boutique but they both insisted that I ride with them. No big deal, it would be nice to spend some bonding time with my matriarchs. I was so wrong.

From the moment I closed the truck door to the time we arrived I was berated with condescending and demeaning questions/accusations such as "Do you even know what you're doing? You've never planned a wedding before", "If you like the dress so much why didn't you just order it and save us the trip?", "Are you sure you want to get married? You've never been independent and now you'll just be dependent on him your entire life."

I found the last comment completely baffling since I haven't lived at home for 4 years and have successfully lived/traveled abroad multiple times. I'm young, but I feel as though I'm plenty self reliant and independent.

The fitting didn't go much better. I tried on the dress that I was really excited about and truly wanted only to receive scoffs and laughter from my mother. My now Sister In-Law was a great shoulder to cry on in the changing room. Mom wandered off on her own while I sobbed and chose a dress that she liked. To humor her I tried it on; even though it was $550 out of my budget. It looked good, but it was a ball gown with a long train and nothing like what I had pictured, but mom turned on the waterworks and actually paid me a compliment. I asked her is she'd help me with it and she said yes so I signed the papers and put the down payment down, which was the $100 I had brought to buy the other dress. For those of you who haven't purchased a wedding dress yet, you have 6 months to pay them off in full and you do NOT receive the dress until the last payment is final. After just moving to a new city I seriously could not afford this dress and I asked mom when she was going to start helping me pay for the dress. I was then informed that she never agreed to help me "Pay" for the dress. She had meant that she would help me get it on the day of the wedding. Great. Just Great.

Next came the changing of plans without my knowledge or consent. Mom purchased an archway for me to walk through before coming down the isle (remember I'm supposed to be riding down the isle), an extravagant amount of flowers, lights, garland, and other decor that didn't match our colors or theme, and invited people I didn't know/want at the wedding. When confronted she threw a tantrum stating that it was her day too. When I say tantrum, I mean stomping her feet and screaming like a 5 year old. I told her to return the items and that they wouldn't be used to which she proceeded to send me a bill for her time and gas.

My mother's antics escalated to the point where we would start a fight during every phone call, she refused to look at me or even speak when confronted face to face, and I was suffering from severe panic attacks. After a long talk with my now husband we ended up uninviting her to the wedding because we were both certain that she would cause a scene. This resulted in a HUGE argument with my grandma and after another long talk with my husband we decided to elope and forget the wedding. Guests were told to throw their invitations away and we planned a new date.

The most baffling facet of this whole situation is that somehow I have been made out to be the cause of my own grief. In my own mother's words I am "a twitterpated child that doesn't know anything and I will see how the real world is very soon." I've been openly bashed on social media by my entire family for being selfish and stupid.

I guess we made the right decision after all, because a night of humiliation on what is supposed to be the best day of a young couple's lives would have been miserable.

We invited a few close friends and headed to the court house where we found out that if you're trying to get married in Indiana most courthouses no longer marry couples on the spot, and the Justice of the Peace requires a week's notice. We didn't know this so we found a local priest and begged him to marry us. Our friends were not able to show so we got married alone. It will always be a big regret of mine, getting married by a stranger in an unfamiliar church of a religion to which I am not affiliated without friends or family there.

I remember standing there saying my vows trying not to break down in tears and thinking, 'just push through this and life will be better'.

Thankfully I was right about that. We have been happily married for almost a year, we own our own home now, each have successful entrepreneurial careers, and are planning out our future family. My Husband has been a God send to my life and I have never been this mentally stable or loved in all my life.

To sum it up, I may have been forced to elope and am now stuck with an expensive dress that I will never wear, but through this horrible experience I have learned just how much the saying "blood is thicker than water" does NOT apply to my family. Sometimes we are given trials that allow us to separate and break the tradition of a toxic legacy.

I have since done lots of research into psychology and mental health and I have urged my mother to do the same. She was abused as a child and has had two failed marriages with abusive men, so I think that has a lot to do with her outbursts, jealousy, and general negative attitude towards marriage and men alike. She has not spoken to me for a year, and I'm ok with that now. I realized that just because she is my mother, that does not mean that it is healthy for me to have her in my life, and I certainly to not want her in my future children's lives until she has found peace with herself.

For those of you considering elopement, make sure it is a choice you are personally happy with and do your research. It's not for everyone, but for those who choose it, I imagine the experience is much more romantic and fulfilling.

For those of you struggling with Mother-of-the Bride issues, keep pushing for what you want. The outcome will reveal more about your relationship with your mother than you can ever imagine and no matter the result, you will grow as a person.

Sincerely and happily married,

Frances