Everyone loves to talk about how you can't find happiness until you "find yourself." The only problem there is, most people go about this the wrong way in my opinion, because in reality what everyone wants to find is a shortcut to happiness. By "fitting in." By finding a significant other. Maybe by meditating or drinking herbal tea (OK, those last two, not so much).
But if you're looking for happiness by seeking out other people, you're doing it all wrong. Finding yourself isn't as it sounds, at least not the way I see it. You aren't born to have a certain personality or moral code.
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Finding yourself really is more about "creating" yourself, working towards becoming the person you want to be. And as you become that desired version of yourself, before you can blink you find yourself surrounded by the people you were seeking out all along.
So how exactly does this work? How can you be sure that it will? It's this simple: instead of seeking out other people and trying to develop an identity through your relationships, create an identity for yourself on an independent level. Work on yourself, become better, create change for yourself great enough to draw people to you.
I can tell you from personal experience that it works. After feeling like an afterthought during my freshman year of college, my entire summer was devoted to self-improvement. I mean every day, every hour, every second. And the change was clearly evident. I caught a lot of people's attention, and having now recently finished my sophomore year, my social life has done a complete 180. I'm as confident in myself and as happy as I've ever been.
What I had done wrong prior to all this is exactly what I alluded to before. You can't build yourself up to be the person you want to be purely through other people and things, because they all have the risk of being temporary. We're so afraid to recognize this that we often ignore it altogether.
Go to the gym. Research good social habits online. Mix up your fashion choices. Whiten your teeth. Any number of things such as these can help you feel so much more confident and sure of yourself. And guess what? These things are all permanent if you let them be.
Permanence means certainty, certainty means confidence. You have to build yourself up from within, and that doesn't mean spending a lot of time thinking in the hopes of a savior epiphany. You're not just going to figure your life out all at once. Just do you, get to work and give yourself something to be proud of.
