As we all know, the harsh reality of relationships is this: we will either end up marrying the person we're dating or we'll break up with them at some point. If you're currently struggling with the latter, you've probably thought at least once about texting your ex. We all do it, and it's totally normal, but that doesn't mean it's a good idea. And here are just eleven reasons why you shouldn't shoot them a text right now (or ever):
1. If your ex wanted to talk to you, they would.
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Phones work both ways; don’t forget that your ex has the power to reach out to you, too. Unless they’re extremely busy and haven’t gotten around to contacting you just yet, then chances are that they’re not going to.
2. They aren’t worth your time if you aren’t worth theirs.
Plain and simple, if someone doesn’t offer you the time of day, you are not entitled to give them any of your time, either. They don’t deserve a place in your busy schedule.
3. You’ll probably be really disappointed with the results.
It’s all too easy to get caught up in the “what-if” scenarios. In your head, you see your reunion playing out like a fairytale where they whisk you into their arms and kiss you as music swells in the background. While it’s okay to fantasize, understand that your expectations are set much, MUCH higher than they should be. Your ex disappointed you once before, and they’re bound to let you down again.
4. So what if they’re thinking about you? They’re not doing anything about it.
It’s not a good idea to reach out with questions like “do you still think about me?” or “have I crossed your mind at all?”. All you will do is scare them away and feel worse about yourself as a result. And besides, why should you be so eager to date somebody who can’t even admit how they feel about you when you’ve poured your heart out to them?
5. It might be better for your well-being to move on.
Before you roll your eyes, acknowledge the fact that you may be better off without your ex back in your life. If the relationship was toxic, you shouldn’t go back to it with the idea that things miraculously improved during the time you were apart. Before you do anything, consider how their closeness to you in the past impacted your emotional and mental health.
6. If YOU broke up with them, don’t hit them up if you know it'll hurt them.
As the one who disintegrated the relationship, you should think long and hard about what your intentions are before you go ahead and text your ex. If you know they still want to date you, don’t reach out to them unless you’re now certain that you reciprocate their feelings and want to try to be with them again. DON’T assume that they’ll be willing to just hang out as friends or that they’ll want to have sex with you just for fun.
7. If you were the one broken up with, they might take advantage of your hurt feelings.
Your ex could very well smooth-talk their way back into your life. After all, they know you fairly well, and it wouldn’t be too hard to fall back under their spell just because it was so familiar to you once before. But you should never think with just your heart, and especially not if you’re hurting.
8. They could end up using you just for hookups.
Following up on my previous point, if you’re in a lot of emotional pain, you’re likely to say or do things that you wouldn’t mean if you were thinking clearly. In a moment of weakness, you could wind up at their place for a late-night hookup. They might be so attractive and charming that they’re almost irresistible, but whatever you do, do not say yes to a booty call. Trust me, you’ll thank yourself in the morning.
9. That new, simply perfect friendship you dream of probably won’t happen.
For some of us, it’s too painful to stay friends with our exes after they’ve just broken our hearts. Kudos to you if you don’t feel this way, but for those of you who do, you’re probably better off with a clean break. Don’t muddy the waters between you and your ex if you’re not ready to deal with being in the same room as them as "just friends".
10. There's a reason why you aren't dating anymore.
Regardless of who broke off the relationship, the fact of the matter is, someone felt that they would be much happier if they were single. They decided to act on that feeling and severed ties. Maybe they weren't ready to commit to anything long-term, or maybe you two weren't as compatible as you thought. Whatever the reason for the breakup was, it happened. You shouldn't just forget that it did and try to mend things between you and your ex so quickly.
11. You deserve so much better, honey.
You deserve so much more than you’ve been given in your last relationship. You deserve someone who’s not only your significant other, but is also your best friend. Don’t ever settle for anything less than what you know you can have. You are beautiful and you are so strong. Hang in there; before you know it, your ex will be a distant memory and they won’t matter anymore.
…
To all of you trying to bounce back after a breakup, I'm rooting for you. Don't give up; hold your head up high and remember that your experiences with your ex don't define who you are inside. You will find love when and where you least expect it to be found.
