Disclaimer: My dad was born in Mississauga, I was born in Texas. For the purposes of this article, close enough.
So, it actually happened. A man with no political experience has become the president of the United States, the leader of the free world, the most powerful person on the face of the Earth they say. And now you're wondering what to do now. Well hey, don't say I didn't warn you.
As I'm sure you've heard, plenty of people are looking to move to Canada, a country I consider to be my homeland considering our mutual love of hockey, beer, and frankly, nice people. But now Donald Trump is actually president, and as a Canadian, I have to tell you it's a bad idea.
See! Look at this, people of multiple races actually enjoying each other's company as if they aren't so different after all. Clearly based on a good chunk of your voting, and your reactions, you wouldn't want something like that, would you?
And look at this:
A country where the drinking age is 18? Pshhhh, of course you don't want that. You guys have certain cities that don't even allow for a happy hour. If you can't deal with that, surely you wouldn't want young adults to actually be treated like actual adults right?
National sport? Well, ice hockey of course:Now, I was going to say football and hockey are similar, until I remembered that our sport has action ALL the time, rather than just 11 minutes worth. You wouldn't want something that constantly was taking up your attention and time, hell, 48% of you couldn't even get up and vote! If I were going to sell you though, seeing as you do clearly have some moral capacity since NFL ratings are down, it'd probably start and end with this:
And for the few miscreants we do have, we actually punish them.
We're also just nice people for one, evidenced by our health care system. We have one that, you know, actually lets every Canadian receive basic treatment. There are various benefits and flaws related to this, but seeing how 85% of us align it with our national identity, I'd say it's going pretty well. But the American government is still so much better though, we're just a bunch of socialists, heh, us and our equal treatment, and equal pay. It's not like any of you wanted someone who embodied those principles to lead your country anyways.
Anyways, I could go on and on about why you Americans shouldn't want to move to this clearly awful backwards country that even it's own citizens don't like (the US is 15th just for reference). But that'd be pointless, it's not like you guys even want to come here or anything. There's no way you guys would want to leave 'The Greatest Country in The World' right? You guys have the American Dream, where everyone who works hard can be whoever they wants to be right?
Anyways, I'm done now, sorry to disturb you, eh. Have a nice day, and you weren't actually going to anyways, but please don't come here.
#keepcanadagreatplease
