Although there is a great amount of debate on the subject, for the most part the general consensus on romance is that a strong relationship is based on trust and mutual respect. This respect should encompass every aspect of the relationship, from finances to fidelity. However, many of us have a hard time not being jealous of whoever glances our partner’s way. It’s even worse if our significant other is actually friends with the other person. We just can’t seem to handle our lover having platonic relationships, even though we know that we’re being illogical. Although this is true in every gender, I’ve found that this is more prevalent with women.

Just to clarify, this isn’t me saying that women are naturally petty or mean. I’m just as tired of hearing that as the next girl. I am saying, however, that women tend to be more insecure due to the high societal standards put on us. While men also face unrealistic expectations, the standards placed on women often focus on our outward appearance and femininity, as opposed to our leadership and work skills. These standards can also be contradictory, such as when women are told to be naturally beautiful but not to show our faces without makeup, or to be super sexual but not to have a lot of sex. It’s hard keeping up with the beauty and social standards placed upon us, and unfortunately many women succumb to deep personal issues that include high levels of insecurity. This can lead to serious jealousy issues in relationships, especially when our significant others are friends with those whom we think could take them from us. I think this is a huge problem, and I want to speak directly to the women reading this article.

If you want your relationship to last, you’re going to need to overcome your insecurity. I know this is hard, but despite what society has told you, you are beautiful and worth it. Anyone who is with you is lucky to have you, and you should not settle for less. You should hold onto your relationships and not be afraid to fight for them. With that being said, you shouldn’t suffocate your relationship with jealousy. Trust is a huge part of a successful relationship. Being uncomfortable with your boyfriend having platonic friendships can damage the strength of your relationship, because it would be without a sufficient amount of trust. Friendship is just as important as romance, and just like you, your boyfriend needs friends to grow and be happy. This shouldn’t be limited to specific genders.

People are designed completely different from each other, and you should want your significant other to be surrounded by a diverse group of friends. This will help them gain as much as they can from life. It is important for you to also make friends of the opposite gender. Friendship has no boundaries, and platonic love from any gender is just as important as romantic love. It is important for you and your boyfriend to spend time away from each other and with their friends. This will make your relationship stronger. It will also cause you to fully appreciate each other. You will begin to see how much you truly mean to each other by the amount of trust you give. Although it is natural to be scared about your boyfriend finding someone better, it is not natural to force him to spend time with only you and the friends that you deem appropriate. Unless you have viable reasons to be concerned, your jealousy will do nothing but contribute to the downfall of your relationship.

Another reason as why you should let go of your jealousy is because of the internalized misogyny that all we have inside of us. Many of the criticisms we women have for each other are founded in misogyny, and we should strive to overcome the hatred we have for our own gender. How can gender inequality in our society be ended if we are focused on tearing each other down? By hating the woman your boyfriend is friends with just because she is a woman, you are denying your boyfriend fulfilling friendships. You are also limiting yourself to a standard that many have already placed for you, one that proves every person that thinks that women naturally hate other women right. To be automatically distrustful of another woman is to automatically validated the sexist opinions that others have. You are also causing yourself to miss out on opportunities to make valuable friendships with other women. Girl time can often be the best time, and it is extremely important for you to build strong friendships with other women.

Once you start to focus on trust, you will begin to feel much better about your relationship. Once you start to focus on expelling the negativity you have for other woman, you will feel much better about yourself. Both of these will help you become the kick-ass woman that you were meant to be.