Recently I talked to a friend of mine about why she looks through her boyfriends phone. A lot of her reasoning was she “knew" she would find something. When you go on your partners phone you're breaking a trust barrier between you two. You're showing your significant other that you don't trust them and feel the need to invade their privacy. The information you're often snooping for in their phone isn't rightfully yours. I'm going to explain some reasons why this action is extremely deceiving.
ODC “Checking behavior"
When snooping around on their phone so much you begin to obsess over it. It becomes a terrible habit that you can not break. You begin to look any time you chance, suffocating your significant other with your trust issues. This can tear a relationship apart especially if they are unaware. Typically when they are aware, it is likely for your significant other to be pushed away by your insecurities. I've seen this happen in many of my friends relationships unfortunately. It's best to keep your eyes to yourself and your trust in your relationship. If your partner has the respect to leave their phone out in front of you, you should have the equal amount of respect to leave it be. You're significant other has a life other than you, with friends and family. Some messages might be meant for friends and family to see, possibly embarrassing or extremely personal. Do not start this obsessive compulsion over trust issues within yourself.
It sabotages the relationship
If your significant other was to catch you in the act, it can be very hard to bounce back due to the trust in the relationship being destroyed. Your sneaky behavior will turn them off, and you will lose your high ground as you have steeped to low to by betraying them and your relationship. Your setting back your relationship when you snoop on their device. If you don't trust your companion, that already shows you are not headed in the right direction with them. The insecurity of you believing that they are not committed to you speaks volumes about where you are at in your relationship.
You lose your morals
When you have a certain amount of confidence, nothing else in the world matters to you. You feel EMPOWERED. When you spend your life in constant fear over what your partner is doing, you become more fixed on that rather than your well being.
A survey from the Huffington Post stated that 1-4 women and 1-5 men admitted to secretly checking their partners phone.
So why do people do it?
There are trust issues: “It says that you don't trust what your partner tells you and shows you who they really are." - psychologist Ryan Howes. Some peoples partners may have a history of lying or cheating which can cause this behavior. If you've dated a liar/cheater in the past, you are carrying the pain of betrayal and deception into your new relationship which is very unfair. “If you don't have evidence and you search anyway, you're invading privacy and doing damage to the relationship." -Dr Howes.
Lack of communication or intimacy: Sex therapist Shannon Chavez stated in an interview with Huffington Post that “Sometimes couples who aren't open with each other with intimacy and communication struggle with unaddressed suspicion." Couples do this to avoid a tense conversation when not knowing how to communicate with each other. Lack of good intimacy or intimacy at all can also create tension due to feeling unwanted or unattractive. This creates the sense of insecurity.
Let's break it all down...
Privacy is healthy. In a relationship you must maintain your own persona, as well as letting your partner have their own persona as well. Be two different people who trust each other. Your relationship will grow and be very successful when you maintain trust. If you continue this deception be prepared for the negative outcomes.
