The thought of being alone evokes fear in a lot of people. Most don’t feel that fear to the level of a phobia, but rather they feel it, and it manifests itself in a more subtle manner. Some people incessantly try to make plans with friends, others have the tendency to be in a relationship; regardless of the coping strategy, there are a high number of people who are uncomfortable being alone. This phenomenon is one that can be analyzed through a variety of lenses – psychological, spiritual, philosophical – whatever lens you choose. I’m not an expert in any of those perspectives, but I am an expert in the perspective that loneliness and solitude are words with overly negative connotations. There is much to be gained from time spent alone, or rather with oneself.
Several years ago a few friends and I went camping in Linville Gorge in the North Carolina high country. I was coming off of a fractured ankle, a rough semester at college and a jobless summer, so it was a bleak period for me. I looked forward to the camping trip as source for rejuvenation. We drove to the end of a gravel road and set off into the woods. The hike up to Shortoff Mountain was a fairly simple one. We reached the top early in the afternoon and set up camp. Venturing off, we gathered firewood before we started exploring further. When camp was all set I grabbed a machete and a 54 oz. bag of Skittles and began clearing my way through the thickets and the trees. After 20 minutes I found myself on a small outcrop overlooking the gorge, surrounded by tall, dark evergreens that limited my view to the expansive gorge that lay below. I felt pretty small as I sat there munching away on my Skittles, but I also felt alone. I was alone and that was slightly disconcerting.
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My mind began to wander, reflecting on the rough months at my back, as well as the blank canvas that lay ahead of me. With itinerant thoughts pacing through my mind I pondered the moment of solitude I was experiencing. My friends were elsewhere in the woods, so it was just me and my thoughts out on that ledge. That’s something most people tend to avoid; being alone with their thoughts. But at that moment I noticed the importance of these reflections – reflections that come only in solitude, when we have no option but to face our thoughts. Allowing yourself time to think and debate, time to rationalize and theorize – that’s invaluable time. You garner a deeper understanding of how you think and where you stand on various matters. Scariest of all, you have an opportunity to process your own life affairs.
My nerves settled and I felt at ease being alone in those woods. I came to the conclusion that if I wasn’t comfortable with myself and my solitude, then who could I be comfortable with? After all, the one person we are guaranteed to spend our entire lives with is us, so we might as well get comfortable, no? Without the fear of loneliness, I’m able to enjoy time spent with others, but also time spent with myself. I’m not suggesting it’s preferable to spend all of your time alone by any means, but I am suggesting that if you can find comfort in your own presence, you can find more profound comfort in other aspects of your life.
