Why do we as women continuously put other women down? It’s not easy to be a female and it never has been. Unrealistic body images control our diets, lifestyles, and thoughts. We work just as hard to get paid 25 cents less than our male counterparts and then go home and carry the weight of our families because well, that’s just what’s expected of us. And don’t even think of doing anything else because you need a man to strengthen you and children to give your life meaning. The problem here isn’t necessarily what we’re expected to do, it’s that we’re expected to do all of these things and so much more all while maintaining the perfect picture of feminine beauty and poise. In turn society and our culture does not forgive us for failing these expectations. Do you have dark circles under your eyes? Cover them up. Do your feet hurt from running around all day? Doesn’t matter, your comfortable shoes don’t match your outfit. Is your stomach stretched, scarred, or bigger than it used to be from having babies? Nip, tuck, and starve that fat away (no one wants to see it anyway). Dress for men, but cover up enough so you’re not asking for it. Sit down, look pretty, and shut up. We are told to do these things whether we want to or not. But, you know what the worst part about it is? Women shame other women for choosing not to do these things.

I can’t tell you how many times I’ve heard girls talk about other women because they “wear too much makeup” or “hook up with too many guys” or “cut their hair too short." Now, I know I’m guilty of all these things too because it’s hard to shake away the judgement that’s shaped all of us. But, for love of God, can’t we just stop? Stop for a moment and think of how hard it is to be a woman in this world, stop and think of all the expectations we have in this patriarchal society. But, also stop and think whether or not this woman who doesn’t meet your strict criteria of what a woman should be is affecting your life in any way? Most likely, she’s not so turn off your judgement and stop making it even harder for women in this world. She isn’t you and you aren’t her. Most likely you two will never see eye to eye on your differences, so don’t judge each other for them. Instead, acknowledge that this other person who maybe is a little different from you is also a woman, who also carries the burden of womanhood and embrace this common connection.

I’m not asking all women to stop doing everything they’re expected to, I’m just asking for understanding and kindness. Ask around for the definition of a woman, everyone will tell you something different. So why should we expect every woman to be the same? The reality here is that a woman is many different things, but being one is never exactly easy. So please all of you women (and men) who judge and shame other women for not being your idea of a woman, stop because the one thing this world needs a lot less of is hate and a whole lot more kindness.