We’ve all heard that quote that compares love to flowers. If you love a flower, don’t pick it up, because then it dies or whatever. Love is about appreciation, not possession (blah blah blah). I never really understood that saying until recently, when loving someone from afar has been both a heartbreaking and humbling experience. Despite the confusion and disappointment, I’m grateful. I learned that I am capable of caring for someone without expecting or getting anything in return, which was quite an enlightening phenomenon.
This is not to say that it doesn’t suck when you want to be with someone who just does not feel the same way. It obviously does. I can probably speak for all girls (and a lot of guys) when I say that I have truly cared for someone who may not have felt the same way, and then that love turned into hate, simply because it was not reciprocated. This time, I took a different approach – a different kind of love.
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Here’s why it’s good to still love someone who doesn’t “love” you back:
1. You get to learn a ton about yourself.
Why do you care about this person anyway? What is it that attracts you to them? Are you into them just physically? What about intellectually and emotionally? Both? Neither? It’s all a learning experience that prepares you for the next time around.2. Giving is always better than receiving.
They say it's better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all. Since when is it wrong to care about someone? Just because you are not in a romantic relationship with them does not mean you can’t appreciate the person that they are. Remember when Rachel told Ross she loved him, even though he was married to Emily? He was still pretty happy about it.
3. Love doesn’t always have to be romantic. Neither do soul mates.
You love your best friend, don’t you? What about your brother? Let’s look at the definition of love. Broadly, loving someone means you have affection and passion for them. There are billions of amazing people in this world that, if given the chance to meet them, you’d probably feel extremely compelled by and care for deeply. It would be impossible to date them all. But, that doesn’t mean you can’t appreciate them from a distance and cherish the time you did spend with them - brief or lengthy, romantic or not.4. It can help you change your mindset.
The word “love” is followed by the stigma of romance. This needs to change. There are many people (both male and female, for that matter) that I can truly say I have “fallen in love” with, but not the kind of love that will lead to an intimate relationship. I’ve fallen in love with certain aspects of their souls that are unique to them alone. Collecting parts of different individuals’ minds and hearts only helps to make you a more fulfilled person.
Loving someone who does not love you back (romantically) can help show you that all relationships are different, and not every person you fall for can be “the one”. Only one person will – and that’s the whole point of the dating process! And every relationship that does not work out does not have to end ugly or end in hate. You are both great people who just aren’t great together. It’s going to happen (probably more than once). Instead of feeling down and bitter about it, try loving that person in a different way.
It’s important to remember that everyone crosses our paths for a reason, and nothing is a coincidence. Every relationship we encounter, whether romantic or not, is meant to serve us in some way. Finding out the reason for each encounter is not always easy, but remembering that the purpose is always to open a new door or to help you grow as a person sure does bring peace of mind.
