I am going to start this off by explaining the moment it finally hit me that you should never change who you are for anyone. My first year of college, I was that eager freshman ready to start her life with a blank slate. I chose a school where none of my friends were going, roomed with a complete stranger, and was ready to live the ultimate college experience. As the year went by, I ended up learning things about myself that I had never known before. I learned how awkward I was when talking to people, how insecure I was about my body, and how entertaining I could be when I got stuck in awkward situations. The greatest thing I learned about myself, however, was at the start of spring semester, where I was taught something that would affect me for the rest of my life.
I met a guy, let's call him Sean, and for the first time in my entire life, I actually had feelings for someone. In high school, I was the girl with the ton of guy friends, but never a boyfriend. I never got emotionally attached to men, but this one in particular made me feel like I was somebody. He was three years older than me, in a fraternity, and for some reason this made me feel like I mattered. While I was talking to him, I did everything I could to make sure that he would like me. He was the type of guy where everything was always on his time and if anything didn't work for him, he would act as if it was the end of the world. I wanted so badly for him to like me that I changed for him.
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Sean once had told me that he liked blondes. As a result, I dyed my hair as blonde as it would go. I have dark brown hair and a dark complexion, so let me say: being blonde was not a good look for me. He also went for bad girls, so I finally got that tattoo I always wanted. Probably not one of my best last minute decisions, but I do still love the tattoo. Sean continued to run all over me as I constantly was changing for him. He made out with two girls in front of my face on Valentine's Day, yet I still took him back out of fear that I wouldn't find anyone better than him. I was constantly letting him off the hook so that he would still be with me. Let me just tell you how big of a mistake that was. I changed my standards, my looks, and the way I thought of myself simply because I wanted a guy to like me. In the end, he ended up dropping me for another girl and acted as though I never existed.
The point of this story is to explain that no matter how much you change for somebody, in the end the only person that it hurts is you. You can change how you look, how you react to a situation, and how you feel as a person but it will never get you anywhere in the long run if it doesn't make you happy. I learned more about myself from Sean than I ever thought was possible because it taught me that it shouldn't matter how other people see you and how they think you should be. I not only lost respect for myself because I put up with the way that he treated me, but I also became more insecure. Years later, I would no longer regret the decisions I made that semester because it made me a better person. Looking back, I've become more independent, less critical of myself, and now I'm finally able to understand why so many people say that you should never change for anyone.
