Love yourself.

Yeah, I could see your eyes roll as you read that. My eyes rolled as I typed it. Maybe you think you already do love yourself, maybe you think that that’s a cliche hippie phrase that makes no sense, maybe you want to love yourself but you don’t know how, and maybe, like me, you’re getting real tired of hearing it. But it’s actually super important.

What does it even mean? When Hailee Steinfeld is singing it on some pop radio station, you make jokes saying that she’s singing about masturbating, because honestly the lyrics make it sound like it is about masturbating, and so that’s what we go with because it’s light and funny and we don’t have to think hard about it. We think loving ourselves means putting on a good outfit, walking down the street with some chic sunglasses and wearing our purses on our elbows instead of our shoulders because that’s how Sarah Jessica Parker does it. We think it means sitting down with a drink and watching a mindless television show after a productive day at work because you deserve it. We think it’s easy, but it’s not. We frequently get the ideas of loving ourselves and treating ourselves mixed up. It’s important to treat yourself too, don’t get me wrong. I love my sunnies and One Tree Hill reruns on Netflix just as much as the next girl. But learning to love yourself is critical for a healthy lifestyle, and it’s more than a fleeting moment where you look and feel good. Loving yourself is strength and independence, and in the quiet hours of the night when you’re alone in your room next door to your drunk partying neighbors for what feels like the millionth Saturday night in a row, loving yourself is embracing it.

When I came to college in Boston, four hours away from the people I love, I was faced with a challenge. I left behind my family, my boyfriend, my best friends, to go live with some girl I had only met on Facebook a few months before. While I understand this is a rite of passage and something every person has to go through at some point in their lives, it didn’t make it any less scary. Part of me was so excited to be in such an incredible city and was ready to spread my wings and fly; the other part of me was clinging to the nest like it was my only lifeline. I felt alone, for the first time ever, and that scared me. But over time, I came to accept the alone-ness and turn it into something good. Well, not really yet, but I’m trying to. It’s a work in progress. I struggle to find friends in a new place, and while I’ve met tons of amazing people, I find it’s really hard to take the next step and make real true friends.

But loving yourself means trying. Love yourself enough to make the first move. Do it for you. Ask someone new to grab coffee after class, invite someone to go see a movie with you, and if they say no, that they’re busy, don’t sweat. Because loving yourself also means doing things by yourself. I have spent more time alone in this first year of college than ever before, but rather than dwell on it, I’ve made the choice to accept it and move on. I’ve gone to movies by myself, taken myself shopping, bought myself a few nice dinners, and for a while, I was afraid that I was weird or pathetic because I didn’t have anyone to go with. But I know I have people at home who love me lots, and so until the time I saw them again, I needed to find someone else to love: me!

So love yourself. Love yourself when you’re out laughing with friends on the weekend, love yourself when you’re up doing homework that you put off until last minute and love yourself while you’re chugging a coffee on your way to class the next morning. Because this is life, and you’re living it, and feeling sorry for yourself that it isn’t what you planned it to be will never get you anywhere. Celebrate the fact that you’re alive and you have the power to feel however you damn well please! Love that person. Love the person who holds that power. Love yourself.