I am a million things. I am happy, outgoing, and loving. I am compassionate to people and I love animals more than anything. I am a mountain climber, mall attender, leadership do-er. I love to bake and like to entertain guests. I am sad sometimes, and angry others. I am a million things, but "myself" cannot be defined when I am not what you think I am. So when you tell me I, "Don't seem like myself," I do not understand what you mean.
Here is the thing...
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I have always generally understood why the phrase "You don't seem like yourself" is commonly used. It is a way to weigh the emotions and characteristics of friends and family members based on what you know about them. If your best friend is usually quiet and passive most days yet she is yelling at every person that walks past her, you may think to yourself, "Huh. She does not usually ask like this, she does not "seem like herself." I should say that I am sure those who use it mean no harm, in fact they care enough to be concerned or surprised by another persons actions or demeanor. However, the phrase "You don't seem like yourself" cannot be found in my vocabulary.
When I was young and carefree, I found no harm in saying this. I did not understand the repercussions of such a tern of phrase. It seemed like just a sentence, a group of words, a meaningless statement; but what I have learned is that it is so much more. Saying "You don't seem like yourself" is not simply just words, but rather an implication that straying from your typical demeanor is not "you." If you are sad when you are typically happy, if you are loud when you are usually quiet, if you are shy when you are usually outgoing: By using this phrase, you are telling that person that they are limited, that they are restrained behind their happiness or soft spoken voice, that rather than being a whole person, they are only in part what they are expected to be.
I find myself preaching to whoever will listen, on the value of not putting people in a box. For many years I did this to myself, as it was done to me, and it put a large strain on who I perceived myself as. I was happy frannie and therefore my emotions were limited to happy and... joyful. I felt trapped in this perception of myself as though I was unable to be what I truly was, just me. Being me meant being a constant mix of emotions, many of which at the time were stress and sadness. It was not that I did not feel these emotions, but I had to hide them for fear of someone thinking I was not acting "like myself." This made my anxiety heighten as I felt I was walking on needles to not let my whole self out of the bag. Whenever I did act out, it was taken as a shock as though people could not understand that sometimes I felt sadness. It took me until I decided to reach out to a school therapist in college to understand that, if people could not handle my entire self, they should not try to understand part of my self.
Yourself means your WHOLE SELF, and I will say it a million times over in my articles, speeches, papers, and so on, until everyone understand it. It is everything; the good, the bad, the ugly, and the beautiful. You cannot segment yourself in order to satisfy the world. "You don't seem like yourself" is not in my vocabulary because it goes against the idea that people can be everything or nothing at all. They can be happy and sad, tired and energized, but what is most important is that it is up to them, not you. It is my hope that people will begin to think twice before they decide who someone is, and begin to accept who someone can be.
