I found out recently it isn’t illegal to burn an American flag. Then I had to ask myself how far I am from burning an American flag, what state of mind and body I would have to be in? And honestly, it didn’t take long for me realize how little it would take me to get there. Yes, I would burn an American flag. Why wouldn’t I? I live in a country where I am still afraid to be openly lesbian, regardless that gay marriage is the law of the land. I know what it is to some extent to be a Jew in a country where you never know where the next racist or anti-Semitic individual will pop up. I know what it is to live in a country where mental illness is vilified and demeaned. I live in a country where a presidential candidate can allude to being okay with sexually assaulting a woman and is still called a “Godly man” from his supporters. I live in a country where a woman can be raped behind a dumpster and her rapist only gets three months in prison, because he is white, wealthy and “has potential.” I get it. I would burn the flag. Not because I am anti-American. Not because I want to defect. Not because I hate this country.

I am angry and exhausted. And my anger and exhaustion isn’t the most it could be. If I was African American or of Middle East descent in this country I would feel worse; I would live in constant fear if I belonged to either category. I can’t even fathom the anxiety and fear of living in a transgender body. And where I am now, who I am and how I identify, the relative privilege that I live and exist in and I am still angry. I am fuming that so many Americans are willing to vote for a man that will destroy basic human rights like marriage equality and affordable, accessible healthcare. I am pissed that somehow it is okay that there are Americans who are willing to vote for a man that is backed by neo-Nazis and white Supremists so freely. I am angry that there is a candidate that could very possibly be president who would too easily be too similar to Adolf Hitler. I am angry that the United States leads the world in gun related deaths. I am angry that those I love have to fear for their fathers, brothers, and sons every time they leave the house because they could be shot and killed for no reason simply because they have melanin rich skin. I am angry that violent rapists are allowed to go free from incarceration after three months, and yet our prisons are filled with people of color that are in there for selling weed and/or who are nonviolent offenders. I am angry that we are somehow okay with smoking and alcohol, two substances that are lethal, and yet something like marijuana is taboo and treated like a hard drug. I am angry that a plant that could save and improve lives is treated like the plague. I am angry about the conversations that we refuse to have about race, gender, sexuality, religion, nationality, disability, and any kind of difference because we are afraid or unwillingly. I am angry that so many people refuse to take in Syrian refugees under the guise that they must be terrorists, yet we take and take and take from the Native Americans that we systematically destroyed.

I fear for my life in this country. As a lesbian, I am afraid to live openly and authentically. If I am in a place that is unfamiliar or has a reputation of hate, I hide my Jewish pendants that I wear around my neck.

So yes, I would burn the flag. I would burn the flag out of anger. I would burn a symbol of a country that I love, because the flag isn’t the people. If you are willing to protect an inanimate object but turn away from people, then you aren’t doing anything for the flag. If you are killing people in the name of morals or religion, then you are destroying it yourself. The flag means nothing if the people are hurting and dying and living in fear.

I find it astonishing that people say it is disrespectful to burn the flag, and that it is disrespectful to sit during the national anthem. It makes you uncomfortable, it is inconvenient, which if someone is burning the flag or sitting down during the national anthem that is the point. It’s called protest. It’s called freedom of speech (actually it’s called symbolic speech which is still protected by the CONSTITUTION). When we support inanimate things like the flag and the national anthem without concerning ourselves with the people these symbols are meant to represent, they mean nothing. The flag becomes just pieces of colored fabric sewn together and the national anthem a string of words sung to a tune. The flag and the national anthem are not what is important, not even a little bit. Rather, it is the people. And when we protest, when we burn the flag or sit during the national anthem it is because we have hope for a better tomorrow and we are showing that we love our country. I have heard the argument that by using these kinds of protest we are disrespecting the men and women in the armed military that have fought to protect our freedom. Okay, but internally, who is fighting it? What about those of us who live in fear because of who we are?

Yes, I would burn the flag. And I would sit during the national anthem. No doubt.