You freeze as she enters the room. She's beautiful, brilliant, elegant, charming and everyone seems to love her. But your response is visceral: an irrational dislike justified through a fixation on inconsequential characteristics. Maybe it's that her confidence could be twisted into arrogance, or maybe that her genuine concern for your well-being could be seen as backhanded condescension if you squinted your eyes just so. You feel the need to dislike her.
Why? She's not harming anyone. She's not a cruel person and hasn't done anything to prompt the instinctive response of dislike or hatred. She's just being herself, and somehow that bothers you.
For years, society has dictated both explicitly and implicitly that women should see one another as competition: that likability and extolments were non-renewable resources and women must fight amongst themselves to earn because of course women have to fight to the death to obtain success. The very presence of a woman who seemed to be killing it was a reminder that you "had to" bring her down to maintain your prominence in the self-imposed hierarchy that conveniently only women were subjected to. Men, on the other hand, don't have an innate sense of hierarchy inculcated into their gender; in their enclave, more than one man could and should be successful and no one would bat an eye, either male or female.
The presence of the implicit female hierarchy is incredibly damaging to both women and men. Regarding interpersonal relations among women, women may find it more difficult to find mentorship or feel welcomed by other women, perpetuating any feelings that women are somehow less qualified or less deserving of various accolades than men simply based on something as inconsequential to capability as gender. Men, particularly in the workforce, aren't currently able to fully utilize the overall rise in global productivity that would arise should women become less fixated on being critical toward one another. Being an ally would allow the full realization of human potential and enable all parties to benefit.
What both men and women should be focusing on is the empowerment of women rather than the tearing down of women. Instead of seeing a woman who aced that last exam and scoffingly remark that she only managed it because she has no social life, go up to her and congratulate her with a smile and truly feel happy for her. Instead of seeing a woman who looks confident in a new outfit and telling anyone who'll listen that she should feel ashamed to wear something that tight and revealing, tell her she looks nice and don't judge her further. Advocate for women for whom you once would have anxiously awaited for a temporarily gratifying downfall, and you too will become empowered and live a more positive and genuine life.
