We all know that girl. She is attractive, kind, smart, caring. She is a friend of yours who you love, a friend who you believe deserves the world whether it comes to friendships, family, work, or relationships. You love her and try to support every choice she makes as her friend, but are forced to sit back as a bystander while she goes back and forth, in relationships with guys that don't deserve her in any way.

We know these guys, these relationships. They're the cheaters, narcissists, manipulators, "cool guy" partiers. They're those guys who don't value her, try to control her, belittle her, disrespect her, push her to make decisions that call her character into question. They're the guys who play with her mind, without any sense of remorse or control. And, unfortunately, they're the guys who keep her coming back over and over again, even when she knows deep down that she deserves more.

We all know who this girl is. She is our best friend, our sister, our teammate, our co- worker. For a majority of us reading: she is a person that we used to be, or still are. She is everywhere, she is a new generation of female more submissive than ever before. She is the de-humanized woman so often portrayed in music, television, and social media. She is who we are expected to be, who we settle to be. She is the new norm that we recognize but continue to play into. She is the version of woman perpetuated by party culture, sexism, domestic violence. She is everywhere.

I have been this girl. Two years of my life, roughly, were dedicated- on and off- to that guy we all know...the cheater, the narcissist, the manipulator, the player. He was that guy your friends all hated, but chose to like for your sake. He was that guy you met freshman year and convinced yourself was it, despite his many, many flaws and personal issues. You would sit and tell yourself: love forgives, love understands, love sacrifices. You would ignore all the difficulty, the mind games, the truth; for the sake of "love."

I have been that girl in the past, but I refuse to be her again.

Society, for whatever reason, tells us that this new form of "relationship" is "normal." Expectations have shifted, value and respect have taken on new definitions, and we are left to fend for ourselves in a world where a majority of relationships are based on selfishness and immediate gratification- whether we realize it or not. Women are expected to submit to certain "roles", but seem to face criticism no matter what they do.

All across broad spectrums of media we see relationships portrayed in an incredibly unhealthy light. We see cheating, domestic violence, manipulation. We see people miserable, hurt, or in constant whirlwinds of intense emotion. Society sees this and takes it in without realizing that media is not real life. Drama sells, so, of course, the entertainment and media industries plaster it all over the place. But this should not be real life.

Let me tell you something: you deserve more. This new "norm" is not normal. This shift in expectations is not what you should settle for. Despite your gender, you should never settle for anything less than what you know you deserve. Love does sacrifice, but love should not be blind. You should not lay in bed at night wracked with doubt and stress. If you find yourself forgiving someone time and again, it's time to step back and ask yourself if they are truly a good person. If the answer is no, have the strength to let go despite criticism, feelings of loneliness, or judgment from others. People around you may tell you that "it could be worse," or maybe you are telling yourself that you would rather fight for this relationship than be alone...but, it is time to put an end to it. You deserve basic human respect. You deserve happiness. You deserve to surround yourself with people who have your best interest at heart. You deserve more than the new "norm," more than manipulation and doubt.

I wish I could go back in time and make myself understand this idea, but I can't. All I can do is try and share what I have learned with others, so that they will never be "that" girl. It's time to make people understand that unhealthy relationships are not "normal." It's time to stop settling.