I just want to start of by saying, in no way, am I telling anyone to NOT talk about sexuality. I would also like to make it known that sexuality and sexual orientation are not mutually exclusive, nor are they 100% compatible.
I'll start off by touching on my own perspective and experiences. Being a gay man is difficult sometimes, ESPECIALLY being expected to live up to the stereotype of promiscuity and risky behavior; however, along with that comes an abundance of curiosity and other statements, such as "Is it hard finding people to date or to have sex with?" or, "How do you like sex?" or, my all-time favorites, "I have a gay friend, you're gonna love him! You two would be so cute together!" and, "Oh my gosh! Will you be my gay best friend?!" OK, thank you, however my sexuality and my sexual identity are not just that simple, and my identity is not a statement, nor am I a token -- it is not black and white and I cannot tell you definitively who I am, the type of guys I'm into, nor will I even discuss with someone my sexual life if you are going to ask leading questions where there are already some answers in mind that are just waiting to be validated, and preconceived notions waiting to be proven true.
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I've had people assume or ask if I am transgender before, many times, consistently throughout my life. First of all, that's just straight up inappropriate and unacceptable. Second, it's extremely transphobic whether anyone wants to accept that fact or not. Third, it's not anyone else's business what parts somebody has, so you should probably just stop talking the second you want to assume one way or the other.
For the record, queer folk aren't your tokens, nor are we walking social/political statements. Having a token queer is not this quirky and cute thing. You are, in fact, extremely offensive by proclaiming that you need some sort of metaphorical handbag in order to look pretty or cool, or to feel good about yourself as if you are saving us from the cruel world of heteronormativity and cisnormativity. You make yourself look very silly.
LGBTQ+ folk aren't the only ones affected by this kind of blatant disrespect, though. I know too many women and people of color whose choices and motives are questioned inappropriately. For example, models are routinely asked if they are strippers, or even prostitutes. Excuse me, what?! Who says they're all of a sudden strippers and prostitutes now? I think we have some misunderstandings about sexuality here and that isn't a problem with how we portray these models, it's a problem with the reception and interpretation of the messages behind modeling. It is a problem with the objectification of these people and the politicization of people's lives and the statements made regarding bodily autonomy and an individual's sexuality.
No longer are we our own beings; we are now the words, statements, opinions, feelings, justification, and validation of others for so many problematic ideas and ideologies, such as shaming and objectification. Does anyone realize how wrong that is? Well, I do, and certainly so do some of my peers -- though not enough do, and we need to start talking about the way we talk about other people rather than continue talking about other people's lives.
No, I am not saying stop talking about sexuality, including your own. However, it becomes a problem when people feel the need to talk about what Becky has been doing, or the fact that she has relations with boys and girls, and that she takes revealing pictures, and that she does x, y, and z. Are you Becky? I didn't think so. Move on and worry about yourself.
This includes the famous abortion debate, pro-life versus pro-choice: it's literally not your decision and it doesn't affect you in any way, shape, or form. Essentially, we politicize each other's lives way too often and not enough people are recognizing this corrupt social behavior.
These are only a few of the countless examples of the extreme curiosity, fetishization, oversimplification, and politicization of people's lives that we encounter on a regular basis. I could continue, but, I am pretty sure the point here is clear: stop talking about other people in such manners. Nobody else's life is a political or social statement for you to make.
