I worked a total of seven jobs in my life then, I landed my first “official” full time job. I got to be apart of a management team that most people my age would have died over having. Obviously, I jumped with excitement like a crazy woman after receiving the job offer just shortly two hours within interviewing. After working many random jobs, I finally landed what I thought was the “perfect job” for me. I got what I wanted, right in my hands. However, that mentally quickly deteriorated.
As time went on, I experienced the most unhappiness I have ever experienced within those three months. My depression came back, my anxiety became worse and I was constantly angry at life. Needless to say, I soon became the person I never wanted to be, unhappy with just about everything in my life. This was not the first time I felt that way, but the feeling was at the strongest it has ever been. Fast-forward three months to when I experienced some bad situations at work, it clearly struck the marking point for me.
“Should I stay or quit?” is the question I could not stop asking myself. I subconsciously already made that decision. I would wear my so-called “pouty face” to work and let people see it. I would still do my job well, but all my co-workers could clearly tell that I was mentally checked out. I made it apparent that I did not want to be there without having to verbalize it. Then, what I knew would happen, happened. My boss wanted to chat with me, privately.
In that moment, I knew that I had to be 100 percent honest with her. “No more lying to myself or her” is all I thought before our conversation. She confronted me about how I felt working there and I told her the cold hard truth. I told her that I no longer liked my position, was unhappy and disliked the environment. After a long discussion, we both mutually decided that it was best I find a job that made me feel happier, so I quit. I cannot comprehend the feelings I felt after I finally quit that horrific place. It felt like enormous weights were being lifted off my shoulders. I finally felt free and like myself again.
Shortly after leaving, I had a rush of mixed emotions overflow my entire body. I was angry but relieved, sad but happy, all at the same time. I called my best friend only to cry about how stressed I felt because I was now jobless and felt completely hopeless. I felt like that was the end, but little did I know it was only the beginning. It is the beginning to the unknown, the beginning to something different.
As I was still applying to jobs, I decided to take some time for myself to reflect on what I really wanted in life. Taking some time away for yourself is crucial in figuring out what you and ONLY you want in life. Do not follow what everyone else is doing just because you feel like you should. I promise, they are just as confused if not, more confused, than you are. Following “the crowd” will only lead you to more confusion. Following your heart will lead you to your path. Maybe not in the way you expect it too, but in the way it is meant to happen.
Personally, after quitting my job, it gave me clarity to think about what it was I truly wanted to pursue in my life. I advise you to take time for yourself in order to gain more clarity in your life. It is crucial to remove yourself from any distractions that are obtaining you from your inner desires. Like myself, take some time to process what it is that you truly want to do. Think about it, write it out, research how/what you need to do it, and then go do it.
Sometimes, it takes the worst situation happening to you in order to realize that the path you thought was right is not anymore. It has taken me a few years, and many up’s and down’s to finally realize what it is I want to go after, but now I finally know.
I do not know what my path will look like, but what I do know is that I will, one way or another, arrive to my destination. The scary, yet best part of the journey is the uncertainty of what will happen next.
Remember, it is ok to be at your own pace in life. Do not feel discouraged if you are at not at the same pace as your friends. Everyone figures out what they want at his or her own pace. You are the only one competing against yourself in the race to your dreams. Everyone’s path will look different, but that is the beauty of it. That is what makes us each unique.
Until next time lovelies,
XX
Elisabeth Melissa Popa
