High school relationships are difficult to say the least. Balancing school, friends, family and a relationship is definitely a circus act. College relationships? Another crazy ride, almost as crazy as trying to venture into the unknown of relationships.

My last relationship lasted roughly a year-and-a-half, on and off. We broke up once to take a break and then continued on. My boyfriend and I even wrote letters when we did long distance for about six months while he went to boarding school. We wrote each other as often as possible and, while it sucked, we made it work. Whenever a couple I know goes through a fight or a hard time, they automatically think, “Whoa, we did it. If we can get through this, we can get through anything.” And that is true for some high school couples. Some of them get engaged and live in a white-picket-fence house with kids and a dog. I applaud them, and at one point I thought I would be one of those couples. I mean, getting through not seeing each other? How could we not end up together, right?

Wrong.

A certain unspoken promise was shared between my ex and me. He was six months younger than me, and we knew college would be hard. I would be a freshman, and he would be a senior. We would be three-and-a-half hours away from each other. The unspoken promise was that we were going to break up. While we both said we would try to stay together through college, it was inevitable. How can you go from seeing somebody every day to not seeing that person at all? I know a lot of people who do it, but while we’re still so young and naive, trying to find ourselves; it’s harder to stay with somebody who isn’t there to see you grow into the person you truly are.

The breakup was sudden and involved little words. Neither of us actually said the words “it’s over.” It was just something that was understood. It sucked driving away from his house, thinking about how I couldn’t bake cookies with his mom again, or how his brother and I wouldn’t be able to talk about baseball anymore. Their home was my second home, and his family was one of the sweetest, strongest families I have ever known. I’m here to tell you something: crying is okay. Crying is natural, and sometimes it’s the only thing you can do.

Eventually, the pain dies down, and regret begins to fill your mind. It’s full of “if onlys” and “if I had justs.” Whenever those thoughts cross my mind, I know that I wouldn’t have changed our relationship for the world. I made so many friends and so many memories. Throughout this whole “single” process, I replay a phrase he said in our “break-up” conversation.

“One day, you will look back and see me as just a small part of your life.”

While that is partially true, all I could do was think about how wrong he was. Your first love will always be a big part of your life no matter what he or she says. I will always have the memories and the letters we sent each other in my small red box . . . but here is the part we tend not to think about: when we are in the wrong. In the scheme of things, he helped me grow and become a better person, but he wasn’t my life. You should never focus your life on a person that isn’t you. Period. Focusing on myself, especially at this point in my life where college comes into play, is so important. He knew that, and while it sucks, letting each other go is a part of life. I know tomorrow is another day, and maybe I will meet somebody else or develop more as a person. I have him to thank for making me a better person and taking me on adventures I would never have dreamt of going on.

So, while you want to rip up every picture you have of each other, wait. Think for a moment. In a few years, you may want to look back and think about your adventures and (in my case) read those old letters. Take everything and put it in a box. Put it at the top of your closet or give it to a friend. Throwing away the memories may leave you with regret.

To anybody going through a breakup, I’m sorry. It truly sucks, but while you may hate that person now, don’t forget to thank him or her later for making you the person you are today.