I am not one to become attached easily. I don't like the idea of my mood, decisions, and feelings being affected by someone else. I don't like feeling the need to impress anyone but myself, and I definitely don't like being distracted from reaching my goals during the most important developing years in my life.
Now, I know being in a healthy relationship would not make me feel trapped or distracted or stressed. However, I know myself, and I know that when I do become attached to someone, it usually isn't the right type of person—it’s not someone who would help me grow, support me in my goals, and let me maintain my independence. That’s probably a maturity issue more than anything; I’m sure that when I’m ready, I’ll look for the right things in a guy—honesty, compassion, intelligence, respectfulness. But for now, I like a challenge, I like excitement, and I like passion, even if that makes for a complicated relationship.
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I’m sure you have heard of the “love-hate relationship.” Girl meets guy, they quickly fall for each other, someone does something to hurt the other, then they are hostile toward each other but can’t seem to end the relationship. They still love each other, but they also drive each other crazy. I’m not saying that I have experienced something exactly like this, but I have definitely become attached to a guy who I couldn't stay away from despite the constant ups and downs of our “relationship” (I’m putting relationship in quotes because it was a little more complicated than that).
So why are we drawn to people even if we “hate” them? Why are some of the most complicated relationships, filled with confusion and arguments and distrust, also the longest-lasting attachments we feel to others? When thinking about this, the best conclusion I came to was that “love” and “hate” are so closely related. Let me explain:
Love and hate are both feelings of passion.
Whether you love someone or hate them, you have very strong feelings for him or her.
Whether you love someone or hate someone, you care.
There is a reason you still think about and talk about your ex-boyfriend or your ex-friend: you still care. If you didn't care, the thought wouldn't even cross your mind.
The opposite of love is indifference, not hatred.
Like I said before, if you love or hate someone, you still feel deeply about them. The opposite of feeling deeply is having no emotion at all.
Love and hate literally come from the same area of the brain.
Scientists have discovered that love and hate stem from the same parts of the brain, the putamen and insula, showing that both feelings of disgust and romantic love are connected to aggressive behavior. It’s no wonder the feelings are so closely correlated.
They can both make us crazy and irrational.
When you love someone, you are capable of feeling jealousy. When you hate someone, you are capable of speaking poorly of them. Either way, feelings of love and hate can cause us to do things that we wouldn't do otherwise. This is why we fight with our loved ones and why we feel irrational hostility toward those we hate.
