"You're pretty for a black girl."

"Your hair is nice for being black."

"Wow, you aren't as crazy as most black girls."

"Okay, but you're not REALLY black..."

Microagressions: They are real. They are damaging. These are real "compliments" I have had the displeasure of hearing throughout my 19 years. I grew up being extremely self-conscious of the fact that I was black. When you are surrounded by girls with straight hair, light skin, colored eyes, and everyone thinks they’re beautiful, you begin to believe that you must be ugly. You must be flawed in some way. You think to yourself, “If everyone looks like this, then I must not be as beautiful”. You no longer are insecure of just your own physical features, but your race becomes your biggest insecurity. You feel like you have to erase your race to fit in. You feel pressured to hide your curls, so you straighten and damage your hair with chemicals to blend in. You fear of being out in the sun too long and getting darker, so the kids in your class don't say "Now we can't see you!" every time the teacher turns out the lights. You fear of ever being confrontational because you'll be labeled as the "crazy black girl". You make yourself invisible. You make yourself disappear into the crowd so no one notices you, and slowly, you lose a sense of who you are in order to make the people around you comfortable.

"You're pretty for a black girl."
So, are black girls not pretty and I am the exception? Am I supposed to shower you in gratitude for a backhanded compliment? Are black girls just looked at as less than beautiful? Why is there even a physical standard for beauty?

What really is beauty?

Beauty should never be measured by what we wear or how we look or our race. Beauty should be measured by our character. Beauty should be measured by how much we choose to love and treat others the way we are supposed to. Beauty should be measured by acts of kindness. Beauty should be measured by the courage and strength we have to stand up for what we believe in. Beauty is being humble enough to recognize our weaknesses but having the power and confidence to overcome them. Beauty is swimming against the current and not being afraid to be noticed. Beauty is knowing who you are and being proud of it. Beauty is loving yourself and being so comfortable in your own skin that you inspire others to do the same. Beauty is meant to be shared and spread. Beauty is meant to radiate and be felt from us by everyone we encounter.

We cannot let our insecurities get the best of us. People will always be there to try and bring you down no matter what. This is specifically to all black girls everywhere:
Never let anyone make you feel bad about your skin.
Never let anyone insult your curls.
Never let anyone dim the spark in your personality.
Never let anyone make you feel like you need to apologize for being black.

These are things I have had to remind myself and still remind myself to this day. Even though I still fight my own insecurities about my body, I've learned that it’s completely ludicrous to be insecure of my own race, which is something that I can never change no matter how much I try. We all have insecurities, and learning to overcome them is a lifelong process that starts with telling ourselves 3 things: I am beautiful. I am worth respect. I deserve nothing less.

We are all beautiful.

We are all worth respect.

We deserve nothing less.