We always see the past better than it was, don't we? We forgot about the fights we got in on the playground in elementary school and the times our friends made us feel like sh*t, whether it was intentional or not. When we look back, we forget about certain people who did us wrong, but what's the reason for this?
Why do we make ourselves believe that even the most f*cked up relationships or friendships were perfect after the time has passed. Why do we suppress the negative memories and only reflect on the funny and fun moments when we look back?
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According to a study from the, Journal of Personality and Social Psychology:
"... when people make judgments about things, they usually do it in relation to something else. For example, when they say that a concert is excellent, they mean that it is excellent compared to the concerts they have seen up to that point."
This means that when you look back on an event you only remember it as a whole and the overall rating you gave it in your mind. You don't remember how annoyed you were that you had to babysit drunk Jenny before the concert and how miserable you felt because it rained for three hours. You remember how amazing the actual concert was, and that's enough to suppress the bad memories.
The same goes for relationships. When you look back at your failed relationship you only remember all the amazing times you had together. You don't fixate on the little fights or the times you felt annoyed. Sure you can recall them, but when you look back, they aren't the first thing to come to mind.
So we see the past better than it was, and this isn't necessarily a terrible thing. Unless it interferes with your future.
For example, that awful relationship you were in could possibly rekindle when both parties find themselves wondering why it ever ended.
We all know that one couple who breaks up only to get back together every other week. This is why they can't stay away from each other. When you lose the thing you most likely took for granted, you want it back immediately.
Or think about that friendship that was so toxic you could've been killed from the fumes. When you see each other years later, you don't necessarily reflect on what ended it. Maybe it's a sign of maturity that we unconsciously let things go and try to see the good in every memory and that's great; however, you have to remember there's a reason why these things came to an end in the first place.
So when your ex-boyfriend or ex- girlfriend or ex-BFF comes back into your life unannounced, proceed with caution. No one wants to experience the same issues all over again.
The past may seem stress-free when you're reminiscing on it, but that's not always the case. We must always keep in mind that we see everything in the past better than it was. Except for the crêpe I ate in Paris three years ago, that was life-changing.
