If you’re like me you are the one that people come to for everything from a hug to a shoulder to cry on. You are always there to lend a listening ear and be there to give advice. I don’t mind giving advice or being there for people I actually like making sure that the people I love and care for have someone to talk to that they know will listen. I will stop whatever I am doing if someone comes to me needing someone to talk to. I don’t have a problem putting something on hold to help someone get through a tough time. What I DO have a problem with is when those same people come to me for advice then go and do the thing I told them NOT to do and come back to me crying asking for the same advice.

If they are doing it with not realizing I don’t have a problem, it is when I make them aware of it and they don’t change their ways that really grinds my gears. Recently someone has come to me asking for advice how to deal with these type of people and this is what I told them:

First make sure they know what they are doing is being repetitive and is starting to negatively impact you. I have had both positive and negative effects. If they truly care they will take what you said into account and try to change their ways. If they don’t care then they will just agree with you to just get you to stop talking. If they don’t realize they are doing or if it is advice that they are asking you about that have a common theme rather than being the same exact issue over and over again than just try some new advice.

If the person doesn’t listen and comes back to you for advice don’t try to sound angry even if it is really hard not to. You can be blunter and tell them the advice without sugar coating the truth. If they are still having the issue it is most likely because it is them that is causing the issue. Point this theory out to them and if they are really willing to change than they will see where you are coming from and they will ask you how they can change it. If they don’t want to realize they will get quiet or they will get very loud and argue with you.

Lastly, you can set boundaries with the person about what you are willingly to talk to them about. Because you have to take how you feel into account. You cannot always put yourself last and put other people before you. If you do that then you can’t really help anyone if you can’t help yourself first. You could also do this by suggesting they go to someone who is trained to talk about their problem since what you suggested isn’t working for them.

But that is for people who want to change. You can’t help people who do not want to change and they will never change no matter how you try to help. For these people simply tell them you aren’t going to help them anymore if they do not want to help themselves. You would only be wasting your breath.