I was in the produce section of the grocery store today, which is rare for me because I barely know how to cook vegetables and I rarely eat healthy. I was browsing for kale, a new favorite, and eggplant. I must have circled the little area a handful of times trying to find the non-organic eggplant, because there's no way in hell I'm paying that extra 40 cents.

I was pathetically trying to stuff an overgrown head of kale into one of those plastic bags, flicking water droplets and muttering curse words to myself, when I turned around and saw you. You were wearing the same jacket as usual, had the same hairstyle, and you looked remarkably normal. It was shocking to see you under florescent lights, also browsing through various vegetables, also looking as equally frustrated and confused. I've never told you this before, but you kind of look like a cat. A handsome, tatted-up cat.

I allowed exactly three seconds to look you up and down in admiration before I did a complete 180 and noped right out of there (literally saying "nope nope nope" as I went around the corner). I busied myself in front of the seafood section by buying some shrimp, and you walked right past me. I was overcome with relief, desperately hoping you didn't see me. I went back to the produce section to get my eggplant.

I went the other way today because I realized that, without alcohol as a social lubricant, there is absolutely no way I can talk to you without turning beet red or without stuttering. You are calm, cool, and collected and I am not. You once described me as being self-composed, and I felt warmth inside because that is always what I strive to be, and what I know I'm not. I'm a mess of nerves, flushed skin, clammy hands, a churning stomach, and jittery legs. Not to mention, I had made a fool out of myself in front of you last night, for about the tenth time.

I thought I was safe, at least at my grocery store. I didn't think I'd have to feel my stomach drop to the floor or my heart racing to the point where I can't hear anything else.

Honestly, even though we didn't talk or acknowledge each other, it was good to see you outside of the bar. But I hope it never happens again.