From the minute my parents dropped me off at college I knew I didn’t like it there. But, college is a hard transition for everyone, so I didn’t think much of it. As everyone told me, I just had to “get used to college life” and “get involved”, and I’m sure for some people, maybe even most people, that works. That was not the case for me, however.
The school was nothing I expected it to be, the clubs they offered did not interest me, and the people there were not people that I fit in well with. So I just went to my classes, did what I had to do, and prayed things would get at least a little better.
Recommended for you
Well, just as I thought, things couldn’t get much worse. About three weeks after moving into school, I was notified that a friend of mine, who was very special to me, tragically passed away. How I felt when I read that message was unlike any feeling I’ve had before, and I’m no stranger to what loss feels like, but that feeling was just so much different from how I’ve felt before, and I wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy.
As if that wasn’t enough, I had to deal with people saying things like, “You were starting to like it there until Jake died,” or “You won’t let yourself try to enjoy college because Jake’s gone.” Those were some of the last things I needed to hear at that time, and quite honestly, those people had no idea what they were talking about and no idea what I was going through. I just did my best to ignore the comments and focused on my friends and family, who supported me.
As the semester went on, believe it or not, things continued to get worse. I didn’t get along with my roommate, didn’t have many friends, was away from home, and my mental health, and what I thought was my physical health, started to rapidly decline. I was getting dizzy spells, headaches, pretty much any stress-related symptom you can imagine, I had.
I went to The Wellness Center on campus but didn’t find it to be much help, so I just dealt with it on my own…big mistake. I started looking up my symptoms online, the number one thing you’re never supposed to do, and, shockingly enough convinced myself that I was much worse off than I actually was.
I spent countless nights crying to my parents over the phone or to my friends over FaceTime. What made all of this 10 times worse, though, was that Jake wasn’t there for me to talk to anymore. Not only was he the only person who could have made me feel better, but also he was a certified EMT, so he easily would have been able to talk me off the ledge, as he did a few times before.
While I was unsure of a lot of things during all this craziness, there was one thing I knew for sure – I could not stay at this school. For my own mental health and personal happiness, I knew I needed to be back home.
So, despite how unhappy and heartbroken I was, I worked hard so that I would be able to transfer. Over winter break, my parents helped me figure out a plan and I applied to two schools back home, and I got into both. I went back and finished the spring semester, and then finally I was able to come back home.
I now go to school 20 minutes from my house and I am very relieved to say that I am much happier, and in a much better mental state.
So if you’re at a school right now that you know isn’t for you, do yourself a favor and just do what you have to do to be able to get to where you want to be. Don’t listen to what other people may be telling you, although I know that’s easier said than done. But I did it and I've pretty much heard it all. It doesn’t mean that you “can’t handle being an adult”, or “you’re never going to move out if you can’t even handle living in the dorms”, or any other completely false comments people may be making to you.
Only you know what’s right for you and sometimes you just have to do what’s best for you…and don’t apologize for it.
